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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26023834">Half Life VR but it's Freaky Friday</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/QhaZomb/pseuds/QhaZomb'>QhaZomb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alien Biology, Body Horror, Body Swap, Eldritch Benrey, Gen, Monster Benrey, Nightmares, Not A Game AU, Not Beta Read, medical gore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:35:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26023834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/QhaZomb/pseuds/QhaZomb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They say the best way to learn about someone is to walk a mile in their shoes.</p><p>Though maybe not <i>quite</i> this literally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>(with background boomer and a hint of sodashipping), Benrey &amp; Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>154</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>443</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi i'm qhaz and i'm a slut for body swap aus involving characters of two vastly different species/biologies. how y'all doin'</p><p>this gon' be my first multi-chapter fic! also said chapters might vary greatly in length, oops;;;</p><p>also, here, have ref sheets for how i picture Benrey and Gordon lookin' like:</p><p><a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/642787601272668160/benry-appearance-headcanon-ref-sheet-overhaul-only">Benrey</a><br/><a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/643052790185377792/ref-sheet-overhaul-for-the-man-of-feet-himself">Gordon</a><br/> </p><p>  <a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/631181827352248320/post-black-mesa-freeman-house-floorplan">here's their house's floor plan, for reference!</a><br/> </p><p>and here's just a silly (not super canon) drawing to go with this fic:</p><p>  <a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/628732394039574528/half-life-vr-but-its-freaky-friday-benrey-in">"hey bro, you good?"</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  It all happened so fast, Benrey didn't even <em>detect</em> what was going on until after the fact. And by then, it was too late for him to do anything about it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Being an eldritch horror from the cosmic void, Benrey had a lot of real fun abilities at his disposal. One of those being the ability to 'astral project' as he'd heard humans call it. He never really used this one too much, though. Until he moved in with Gordon, that is. He'd found that slipping out of his own body to go hang out in Gordon's dreams was a pretty sick way to pass the time at night, when nothing else was keeping his attention successfully. Or when he was feeling lonely. Being the only one in your friend group who doesn't need to sleep at night kind of sucks sometimes.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon was... a little unnerved by the brain-intrusions at first. But he never told Benrey to fuck off with that shit, as the night time chats with the entity were much, MUCH preferred over all his PTSD night terrors. Dreams never kicked in right whenever Benrey was there, including the bad ones, so it was a win-win situation, really. However, if a dream was already in the middle of happening when Benrey jumped in, the dream didn't just automatically stop.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He never thought much about it until tonight.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey wasn't really feeling in the mood for any video games, so he decided he'd go see what ol' Feetman was up to in dream land. He got himself laid out nice and comfy in his bed, slipped out of his body and into Gordon's.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  And soon came to very much regret it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon was having a nightmare about Xen, looked like. From his vantage point, he could see the man fleeing for his life from something. He didn't see what, but whatever it was, it had the poor guy scared absolutely shitless. Benrey could feel all the horrible emotions Gordon was having while sharing a headspace with him, and yeah, no, this was not cool. He needed to calm Gordon down, show him he was just dreaming. If he could get him in a more lucid state, the nightmare would be easy to knock away.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Dream-Xen wasn't set up the same way as the real deal was- but thankfully Benrey was able to just clip through everything just like the real one, which allowed him to cut Gordon off as the human frantically made his way through the winding tunnels.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  When Gordon rounded the corner and came face to face with Benrey, the human let out a strained shriek, and looked like he was about to book it back towards whatever he was fleeing from before. <em>Whu..?</em> Oh, shit, right. Benrey was playing the bad guy when they were all on Xen, so of course Gordon wouldn't be very happy to see him, even if he wasn't at the same giant size he was back then.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  ...Wait.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey was the main threat to Gordon and the Science Team when they were on Xen.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  So... did that mean...<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  As if to answer Benrey's unspoken question, a massive, pale hand came phasing through the roof of the cave, one of its sharp black talons nearly impaling Gordon as it did. Gordon fell to the cave floor and looked on in horror as the monstrous owner of the hand brought their face into view.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon wasn't having a nightmare about Xen. He was having a nightmare about <em>Benrey</em>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  The alien's heart dropped like a fucking rock at the realization.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Dream-Benrey raised his fist, looking like he was getting ready to crush Gordon, and that's when real-Benrey shoved down the sanguine and shadow building up in his throat and dove towards the human. He grabbed Gordon, and then sunk them both down into the floor, escaping into another chamber. Gordon thrashed in his grip, desperate to get away, but Benrey held firm, and flipped the man around to face him.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "dude, dude, you gotta- you gotta calm down. that thing- that's <em>not</em> me, you're dreaming-" Benrey tried to explain, but Gordon wasn't fucking <em>listening</em>, he just kept <em>screaming</em> at him to <em>let go</em> and <em>get away</em> and-<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  They were both silenced when the sole of a giant combat boot came down hard directly on top of them.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
----------------------------<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey's whole form jolts as he returns to a more corporeal state of being. God, fuck. Dying was never fun, even in dreams. He lets out a heavy sigh and blinks- wait. His eyes are open? Why is it so fuckin' dark, then? He looks around the room, and does see... a faint sliver of light, shining in through the window from the lamp post outside. Focusing on that light, his eyes begin to adjust a bit more to the dark. It's then he realizes that everything is blurry? He moves to push himself up into a sitting position- oh holy <em>fuck</em> he feels so tired and heavy and weak. What the shit. He brings a hand up to his head to rub at his eyes... and finds that his cheeks are a lot less bony than he remembers. Benrey blindly gropes at his face some more, and feels what is very clearly a scruffy beard that he very much did not have before.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "yo what-" he says aloud, cutting himself off instantly when he hears himself speaking with <em>Gordon's voice</em>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  That's... new.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  And would explain why he can't see shit all.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey carefully feels over for where he knows Gordon's bedside nightstand is, and turns on the lamp once he finds the switch. Okay okay, no longer dark, but still blurry as fuck. Squinting at the nightstand, he makes out the general shape of Gordon's glasses, and gingerly picks them up and places them on his face. Ah, there we go, blessed with sight once again. Albeit still pretty fuckin' shitty sight. This isn't how Gordon's eyes are ALL the time, is it? No, no, can't be. That'd be messed up. His sight, and all of his other senses come to think, are probably just all discombobulated from being forced into the wrong body. Yeah. Totally. He just needs to give it a minute.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Suddenly, a scream rings out in the house, in a voice that Benrey recognizes as his own.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Oh shit, <em>Gordon</em>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Welp, 'giving it a minute' is now officially off the table.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey quickly hops out of bed (ignoring the foreign ache in his-Gordon's? legs) and bolts towards the door. It's here that he makes yet another discovery.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  His usual powers didn't carry over with him into Gordon's body, apparently, as when he tries to clip through the door because it's faster than opening it, he just fuckin' slams right into the damn thing. He groans, both in pain (<em>so</em> much pain...) and embarrassment, before opening the door like a normal human person and books it down the hall to his bedroom.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Flinging the door open and flicking on the light switch, he's met with a <em>very</em> concerning sight.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
----------------------------<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon lurches up into a sitting position, reflexively throwing his arms up, as if to hold off the massive boot that was trying to squash him like a bug. <em>It was just a dream</em>, he thinks as he realizes that he's not dead or on Xen. Doesn't do anything to calm his residual panic, though. His heart is still going a mile a minute and... and that's not right. His heart isn't beating right.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  His brain finally catches up with the rest of him, and he realizes that he's in an entirely different room than he was when he went to sleep. It's Benrey's room from the looks of it, but... it's not right, either. Why is the lighting so weird. The light's not even on, but he can see, he can see SO clearly and- <em>the colours</em>. They're all so much more vibrant, and there's ones he doesn't even <em>recognize</em>. He can't even think how to DESCRIBE them, what the fuck.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  <em>Ignore that for right now, Gordon, you gotta calm down</em>, he thinks to himself. Closing his eyes, he reaches a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. Doing such has often helped him ground himself during anxiety and panic. But instead of feeling his long, soft hair, he feels a knit beanie. He does not wear knit beanies. His roommate wears knit beanies. His roommate whose room he inexplicably woke up in just now.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon's eyes snap open and he looks at his hands.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  They are <em>not <strong>his</strong></em> hands.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "<em>What the fuck</em>," he utters, barely above a whisper, in what is definitely Benrey's voice.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  No. No? <em>No</em>. No! This isn't happening. This is NOT fucking HAPPENING. He's still dreaming, CLEARLY he's still dreaming! He just needs to wake up. C'mon, Gordon, you can do it. Wake up. Wake up, Gordon. Wake UP, Gordon. <em>WAKE UP, GORDON</em>-<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  A scream rips out of his throat, as he feels something else in his borrowed body rip.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>in which the ending of AKIRA is localized to Benrey's bedroom, with Gordon playing the role of Tetsuo</p><p>AKA this chapter got that tag-promised body horror in it, y'all</p><p>
  <a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/627466595931947008/here-guys-have-a-scene-from-my-body-swap">and here's a picture i drew of it! :D</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Benrey stands frozen in his bedroom doorway as he looks on at the scene before him.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey's body, with Gordon at the helm, is shifting out of control. Several extra limbs have formed, and are all clawing desperately at anything they can grab. A tangle of pale skin and inky black flesh has practically exploded out from his back and risen up to the ceiling, with tendrils of biomass snaking along and spreading out all across the room like a hungry slime mold. Frightened, panicked Sweet Voice is spilling out of the many mouths peppering his body, the song discordant and garbled. In the central bulk of the twisting form, Benrey can catch glimpses of ever-shifting faces, but they don't look like Benrey's face. They look like... Gordon's. But incredibly, incredibly <em>wrong</em>, with how they all split open and squash together and stretch apart. Gordon is trying to look like himself, but he can't, and he's panicking, and it's making him lose control of his form, and Benrey is honest-to-god scared to death that Gordon's gonna rip himself apart if he keeps this up. Benrey's ability to 'respawn' is tied to his consciousness, not his physical body. So if his body gets destroyed while Gordon's in there...<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He needs to do something RIGHT the fuck now, before it's too late.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey quickly but cautiously approaches Gordon, being mindful of the tendrils of black and grey flesh that have made their way down the room's walls and onto the floor. <em>shit, he's gonna eat the whole fuckin' room at this rate</em>. Benrey reaches the main mass anchored to the bed. He can still kind of make out Gordon's- his? head where it should be on his- Gordon's? <em>FUCKIN'</em>- THE body. Benrey reaches his hands out, but hesitates in touching Gordon, fearful of it both possibly startling Gordon more, and Gordon possibly hurting his own body.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "gordon. gordon! can- can you hear me?" Benrey tries to get the other man's attention, and a handful of eyes DO look at him, but they look away and sink back into the flesh just as quickly.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Shit. Fuck. Benrey has no fucking clue what to do. He's never been good at calming people down with like, words and shit. Just his Sweet Voice, which he's pretty sure he can't use while in Gordon's body. He tries it anyway. But, yeah, no. The note comes out, but no light accompanies it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Shit, shit, shit, what's he supposed to do? Gordon is scared and hurting and might even be in danger of perma-dying and Benrey doesn't know what the fuck to do!!!<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  ...<em>But Tommy might</em>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Tommy's human, he knows how human brains work, and has helped Gordon through anxiety fits before. He's also spent enough time around Benrey to know to deal with the entity's own unique brand of freak-outs. And Sunkist! Sunkist has got some cosmic genes in him, and can even use Sweet Voice. Plus, he's just in general the perfect emotional support dog.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey grabs his phone off the dresser (that Gordon thankfully hasn't engulfed yet) and exits the room as he brings up his contacts. He stays just outside the door, though, not wanting to leave Gordon out of his sight. He rings up Tommy, chanting <em>please answer please answer please answer</em> under his breath.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  The time between hitting the call button and when Tommy answers feels <em>painfully</em> long.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "...Hello? Benrey? What are- why are you calling at this hour?" Tommy asks, sounding half-asleep (which, y'know, makes sense, since it's like 4 or 5 in the morning right now).<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "tommy, listen, man, you gotta- you gotta come over. it's an emergency. gordon's in baaad mad trouble, and i can't do anything, and, and we need you- he needs you. sunkist, too. need his sweet voice."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  It takes a moment for Benrey's words to fully register in Tommy's head, but when they do, he's sounding much more alert when he replies. "W-what's wrong with Mr. Freeman? And how come you sound like him? And what do you- what do you mean you need Sunkist's Sweet Voice?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "i can explain later, but you GOTTA get over here RIGHT now, before- before something <em>really bad</em> happens, <em>please-</em>"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "I'm on my way," Tommy says before Benrey can start to spiral. He may not know what's going on, but he can tell Benrey's scared, which means Gordon must be in some especially serious trouble. Benrey utters out a <em>thank you</em> before they both hang up.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  It doesn't take very long at all before Tommy's knocking at the front door, likely having used Sunkist to kind of 'fast travel' over. Benrey glances at Gordon once more before rushing over to let Tommy and his dog in. There's concern all over Tommy's face when Benrey opens the door, but it quickly turns to slight confusion upon seeing a 'not-in-dire-danger' Gordon standing in the doorway.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Mr. Freeman? Are- are you okay? Benrey just called and-"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "'m not gordon," Benrey cuts him off. "it's me, benrey. i'm in gordon's body, 'n' gordon's in mine. i, i fucked up, man. i fucked up SO bad. you- you gotta come help, gordon's freaking the fuck out and tearing himself apart, and i dunno how to make him stop!"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  For anybody else, this would probably be a lot of information to take in and unpack, but thankfully Tommy is used to weird eldritch bullshit like this, having grown up around it thanks to his dad. Tommy nods, and calls Sunkist to his side as they follow after Benrey into the house. A cacophony of distorted cries, snapping bones, and meaty squelches can be heard as they approach Benrey's bedroom. Tommy peeks his head into the room, and is immediately hit by a wave of fear. Fear with a strength he hasn't felt since the ResCas incident at Black Mesa.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "<em>M-Mr. Freeman!</em>"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
----------------------------<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon's thoughts are just a horrible, jumbled mess of <em>fear</em> and <em>pain</em> and <em>no this isn't right please make it stop wrong wrong wrong bad bad bad bad-</em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He catches movement out the corner of his- not <em>his</em>- eye- <em>eyes- too many</em> eyes- but can only really register what he's seeing for a moment. Long enough to notice that it looked like himself. Not himself as he is right now, but the way he's supposed to look. He sees this other him move their mouth, but he doesn't hear anything. He <em>can't</em> hear anything over the sounds of his own thoughts and screams and pain. All of his senses are on fire, and being electrocuted, and freezing, all at the same time. He just wants everything, EVERYTHING, to just STOP. He wants to get OUT. He wants to get AWAY. He's reaching and clawing at the bed, at his scalp, at his torso, the ceiling, the walls, the floor, anywhere he can, desperate for ESCAPE-<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  His vision is overwhelmed by a blue light as something large shifts up next to him. The thing presses itself into him, and nuzzles him gently. He moves his hands, the ones that're where hands are <em>supposed</em> to be, and carefully wraps them around this big, soft, golden thing. More blue is softly barked at him, and the ripping and tearing feelings in this foreign body he has start to lessen.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Mr. Freeman?" a voice calls to him. He looks over, and sees... Tommy. Tommy is here. That. Makes sense. The thing Gordon's hugging onto is Sunkist, he's realized, so it follows that the older scientist wouldn't be far behind his genetically engineered perfect dog.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Okay, okay, Mr. Freeman, I need you to focus on just me and Sunkist. Do you think you can do that?" Tommy asks, his voice so soft and gentle. Gordon manages a nod, and Tommy smiles, before speaking again. "Things are probably really... really <em>weird</em> for you right now, but you're not in any danger. It's okay- <em>you're</em> okay," Tommy says, and reaches out to place a comforting hand on one of Gordon's arms. He's back to just two again, with normal proportions, which is a good sign. No more clawing to get away from whatever threat his overstimulated brain was perceiving. The rest of the shapeless biomass has also receded a great deal, no longer threatening to consume the entire room.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Tommy continues to say soft, comforting things to Gordon, as Sunkist continues to lean into him and bark blue at him. Gordon's got his eyes closed, and is doing as Tommy asked- focusing on just the feel of the dog in his arms, and the voice of the man speaking to him. Benrey, meanwhile, just stands in the doorway, watching the pair work their magic. It's not long before Benrey's body is back to 'normal' as Gordon calms down from his panic.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon looks up from where he'd had his face buried in Sunkist's fur. Tommy gives him a warm smile before asking, "How are you feeling, Mr. Freeman?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "...B-Better," Gordon says, but winces at the sound of his voice. No, it's not <em>his</em> voice. It's <em>Benrey's</em>. He's speaking with Benrey's voice, because he's in Benrey's body. "What... the actual fuck is going on?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Uhm..." Tommy starts, but then just turns his gaze to the third person in the room. Gordon follows his line of sight and he sees... himself. Standing in the doorway, looking incredibly guilty.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon blinks in confusion once, twice, thrice. And then it clicks.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "<em><strong>Benrey</strong></em>," he practically growls, angry deep blue spilling from his mouth as he speaks. "What the <em>FUCK</em> did you <em>DO?</em>"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey shuffles in place awkwardly, unable to look at Gordon. He swallows hard before finally speaking up. "uh. so. y'know how sometimes i'll visit you in your dreams when i'm bored and shit? did that tonight. but you were, uh, havin' a bad nightmare already when i jumped in. and uh. something bad happened. and i guess... in all the chaos, some wires got, like, crossed or whatever. and you got booted out into my body, while i got left in yours."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon remembers the nightmare, yes. It was one of his rarer, but no less unpleasant ones. What he had forgotten until now, however, is that there were indeed two different Benreys in the dream this time. The giant one trying to kill him, and... the normal-sized one... that <em>had</em> tried to keep Gordon from getting squashed by the other, he finally recalls...<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He also recalls not listening to the apparent real-Benrey about him not wanting to hurt Gordon. Dream brain was firmly stuck in Benrey = Bad mode.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Well, shit. Now it's Gordon's turn to look a little guilty.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He quickly shakes that emotion off for now, though. There's a much more pressing matter at hand.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Well, if you did this, then, just, undo it?" Gordon asks.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "uh. can't."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "What do you mean you can't?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "my powers didn't transfer over with my consciousness. you're the one with the powers now, bro." A pause. "that... and i'mmmmmmmmmmmm not really sure how i even did this anyway. or how i'd go about undoing it."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  There's a painfully long moment of silence in the room. It ends when Gordon flops backwards onto Benrey's mattress and groans out, "...<strong><em>Fuck</em></strong>."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Sunkist leans down to nose at Gordon's borrowed face in that concerned kind of way dogs like to do. Gordon pats the big mutt on the neck and sighs.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Great. Great! This is absolutely what Gordon needed! Getting stuck in some eldritch horror bastard's body, while said bastard is in his. He grumbles, and irritated red Sweet Voice floats up from his mouth with each exhale. Tommy looks at Gordon, then to Benrey, then back to Gordon, frowning. He may have been able to help Gordon with his panic attack, but there's nothing he can really do about this.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  ...But he knows someone who CAN do something about it!<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Hey! I bet my- my dad could fix this! He's a lot older than you are, Benrey, so he- so he probably knows more about this!" Tommy announces. Gordon quickly sits back up, a hopeful look on his face. That's right! Mr. Coolatta! He's a... whatever the hell Benrey is, too! And apparently ancient. Huh.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Tommy, that's great! When do you think he could get over here and fix this for us?" Gordon asks.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "Uhh..." <em>Aw shit</em>, Tommy thinks. He'd totally forgotten an important detail. "...Whenever he gets back from his... <em>business trip</em>. I don't have any way to contact him where he is right now, otherwise I'd just call him up."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Some of Gordon's hopeful excitement leaves him. "When's he getting back from his, uh, <em>trip</em>?"<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "...I dunno. He didn't tell me."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  ALL of Gordon's hopeful excitement leaves him. He flops over and groans once again.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
----------------------------<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  After making sure that both his friends were fine, Tommy decides it's time for him and Sunkist to head back home. Gordon waves them off as they leave, and when he closes the front door and turns around, he sees Benrey standing awkwardly in the hall. And wearing his blue PlayStation themed chullo hat.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  That hat does <em>not</em> look good on Gordon's head.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "So," Gordon speaks up.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "...sssssso," Benrey repeats.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "We... have a lot of things to figure out, for until Mr. Coolatta gets back from his... <em>business trip</em>."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "uh-huh."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  "...But those things? Are gonna be for Future-Gordon to figure out with you. Because right now, Present-Gordon just wants to go and pass out for like ten hours." Gordon admittedly does't really feel at all physically tired, actually. Mentally and emotionally, however? He feels like he ran a fuckin' marathon. He's not panicking anymore, but he definitely still has some residual overstimulation buzz in his brain.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey nods in agreement. "yeah i uh. i could go for some z's." Good <em>lord</em> could he go for some z's. Benrey has <em>never</em> felt this physically tired before. Shit, no wonder humans sleep so much. As if on cue, a huge yawn forces itself out of Benrey. He closes his eyes when he yawns... and doesn't open them back up, just standing there in the hall with his eyes closed. It doesn't take long at all before he wobbles, almost falling over, before jolting back to awareness and catching himself.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon sighs. "Dude, go to bed, before you fall over and give my body a concussion or something."<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey just <em>mmhmm</em>s as he turns around and sleepily trudges into his bedroom. He falls asleep pretty much immediately upon reaching the bed. On top of the covers, glasses still on.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon heads back to his own bedroom. The clothes Benrey was in before the switch happened are honestly kind of... grungy feeling, but Gordon really cannot be assed to change right now. He does at least yank the damn beanie off. He was never fond of wearing hats.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He slips under his covers, and reaches over to turn off the bedside lamp. The room doesn't get much darker once it's off, though, which is more than just a little disorienting to him. <em>Issue for Future-Gordon to deal with</em>, he reminds himself as his head hits the pillow.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>Why is this his life</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>gordon trying to shape-shift into himself during his panic was an idea by tumblr user felis77!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>dicks and a lack thereof are briefly discussed and mused on in this chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Despite how mentally and emotionally exhausted he was, Gordon didn't manage to fall asleep at all after getting in bed. His brain was just too fired up from all these new <em>sensations</em> he's getting from being in Benrey's body.<br/><br/><br/>  He's pretty sure he can <em>feel</em> colours, now.<br/><br/><br/>  However the FUCK that works.<br/><br/><br/>  And so here he is, lying wide awake in his bed, staring up at the ceiling and grimacing at nothing in particular (Benrey. He's mentally grimacing at Benrey. Fucking <em>Benrey</em>.)<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon glances over at the clock. It reads 8:43. It's a little earlier than he'd like to get up, especially after a night like THAT... But he's gonna have to get up eventually. Especially since he really, really doesn't want to leave Benrey in his body unsupervised.<br/><br/><br/>  Plus, getting up and trying to get on with his day will hopefully take his mind off of how awful the colour beige feels.<br/><br/><br/>  He should really repaint his bedroom after this.<br/><br/><br/>  Getting up and out of the bed, Gordon makes his way to the kitchen. He doesn't feel at all hungry, but he's going to try and eat some breakfast anyway for just a LITTLE taste of normalcy. He pauses as he passes Benrey's room, deciding to poke his head in to see if his roommate's awake yet or not (and to make sure he's not doing anything that could fuck up Gordon's body). From the looks of things, Benrey didn't even manage to turn off the light before passing out. He's sprawled out awkwardly on the bed, askew glasses still on his borrowed face. He looks... peaceful. Gordon idly wonders if that's how he looks when he's asleep, or if the expression here is all Benrey.<br/><br/><br/>  He also wonders if the strange, glowing patterns he sees all over his body are there because of Benrey, or if it's something that humans always have but just can't detect... Probably the latter, come to think of it. Gordon remembers, now, that Tommy had similar patterns on him. Tommy's were yellow, while the ones on Gordon's body are orange, in swirls and stripes that bring to mind the hidden Blaschko's Lines of the human body. Gordon remembers reading about those on an internet article a while back, but the article DEFINITELY didn't mention anything about them glowing in different colours. He'll have to ask Benrey about that later.<br/><br/><br/>  For now, he decides to wake the eldritch body-snatcher up so they can both get breakfast in them. Gordon just KNOWS Benrey will forget to eat if he doesn't tell him to. God, he's probably gonna have to remind this idiot to do a lot of normal human stuff that he didn't need to do in his own weird alien body.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Which reminds Gordon of another thing he probably needs to ask Benrey about- things that HE should expect while in this body. Hopefully nothing else is as... horrifying as what went down last night. The mere thought of last night's events makes him shudder, and a small whine escapes his lips. As do a few balls of icy blue and white light. <em>Like a glittering freeze- it's bad memories</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Okay how did he read that. It makes sense, yeah, 'cause those are definitely bad memories, but... coming up with the rhyme and shit? He's garbage at rhyming!<br/><br/><br/>  Wwwwwwhatever, it's not important. Focus, Gordon.<br/><br/><br/>  Moving to Benrey's bedside, Gordon reaches out and gives him a shake on the shoulder.<br/><br/><br/>  "Hey, Benrey, wake up." <em>Ugh</em>, he's still not used to hearing himself use Benrey's voice. Hopes he NEVER gets used to it.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey lazily blinks his borrowed eyes open and looks up at Gordon, a mix of sleep and confusion on his face. "whuh...?"<br/><br/><br/>  "Time to get up, man. You gotta eat breakfast. Food's not optional while you're in my body, okay?"<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey just continues to blankly stare at him- <em>whoa</em>, what is <em>that?</em> Looking back into the emerald eyes staring at him, Gordon notices that his pupils are glowing, too. But not the same colour as the body markings, like he now remembers Tommy's did. Instead, the glow is a constantly shifting rainbow of colours. The brightness of the glow seems to intensify when Benrey's brain apparently gets finished buffering.<br/><br/><br/>  "can i eat later? sleep good..." he whines, dropping his head back onto the pillow.<br/><br/><br/>  "Dude, don't make me make you get up. I WILL drag you out of bed if I have to."<br/><br/><br/>  "<em>mneh mneh mneh</em>," is Benrey's only response. He rolls over, turning Gordon's own back to him, fully planning on going back to sleep.<br/><br/><br/>  Unfortunately for Benrey, Gordon is a dad, and thus used to getting stubborn butts out of beds.<br/><br/><br/>  Grabbing Benrey, Gordon makes good on his threat and (carefully) drags him off the bed. It's surprisingly easy, considering the pretty sizable difference in, well, size between the two of them. Benrey's body is only 5'2" and pretty slender built, while Gordon's a solid 6'0" and with plenty of padding. Gordon was expecting this to be a struggle, but as it turns out, Benrey is <em>really fucking strong</em>, holy shit. In Benrey's body, Gordon's able to lift his own with very little effort. Benrey whines at Gordon the whole time, but he does actually stay up once Gordon gets him up. The pair head on into the kitchen, where they both end up deciding on cereal for breakfast. Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon's not sure if he's just imagining it, or if it's something about Benrey's taste buds, but everything tastes... off. But thankfully, not in a bad way? Different, very different, but still pretty good. He might even go so far as to say things taste <em>better</em> on Benrey's tongue than his own. Especially the milk, for whatever reason.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey, meanwhile, doesn't seem to be enjoying having human taste buds as much, making a face as he eats.<br/><br/><br/>  "yo, these loops stale or somethin'? tastes like shit," he says as he continues to eat them anyway.<br/><br/><br/>  "They're in date, you just have vastly different taste buds than me. Most things are probably going to end up tasting way different to you for now, but you're still gonna have to- hey!" Gordon cuts himself off as he reaches over the table to Benrey, grabbing his hand and yanking the spoon out of his mouth to stop him from gnawing on the metal. "Benrey, you cannot just chew on random shit while in my body. You're gonna fuck up my teeth, man. And if you do, YOU'RE paying my dental bill."<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey just looks back to the spoon, and at his own claws wrapped around his borrowed wrist. His expression then changes slightly, to one Gordon's gotten all too familiar with since the entity moved in. He's <em>pouting</em>, which he always does when told he's not supposed to do something. And BOY did Gordon have a lot of rules to lay down when Benrey first started living with him. It was like he was taking care of a toddler again. Or an untrained puppy. Or both.<br/><br/><br/>  Though, to his credit, Benrey does actually listen when told 'no', now.<br/><br/><br/>  But he also sulks about it for like, a week.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon sighs, letting go of his wrist. "Look, man. We can get you another silicone chew or something. My teeth won't shred it like yours did to the one Tommy got you."<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey seems to perk back up at that. "real shit? sick," he says, and they both go back to finishing up their cereal (with Gordon making sure Benrey doesn't absent-mindedly chew on the spoon).<br/><br/><br/>  They both finish at about the same time, and Gordon gathers up their bowls to stick in the dishwasher, not really caring enough to just wash the few things by hand. As he heads back over to Benrey at the table, he reaches up to scratch at an itch on his head and- oh. My <em>god</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  He yanks his borrowed hand back away and stares at it, horrified. There is a very obvious film of grease and who knows what else on the fingers that ran through Benrey's hair. His face scrunches up in disgust.<br/><br/><br/>  "Benrey, when was the last time you washed your fucking hair?"<br/><br/><br/>  "uhhhhhhhhhh four," Benrey answers.<br/><br/><br/>  "Four? What do you mean four? Like, what, four days?"<br/><br/><br/>  "......"<br/><br/><br/>  "Four weeks??"<br/><br/><br/>  "......."<br/><br/><br/>  "Dude. <em>No</em>. You are NOT telling me you haven't washed your hair since you first moved in four months ago."<br/><br/><br/>  ".....bbbbbbbbbbb," is Benrey's only reply.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon opens his mouth to say something, but all that comes out are strangled sounds of frustration and incredulousness as he gesticulates wildly. Then all of a sudden, he goes stock still, takes a deep breath, and exhales it out through his borrowed fangs, before turning to leave the kitchen.<br/><br/><br/>  "where you goin'?" Benrey asks.<br/><br/><br/>  "To wash your fucking hair!" Gordon shouts back to him from the hall.<br/><br/><br/>  "oh uh, 'kay. try not to get too distracted by my <em>hot bod</em>, then," Benrey adds, which makes Gordon pause right before his bedroom door. Oh god, that's right. They're effectively going to have to see each other naked whenever they need to undress while stuck in each other's bodies. Gordon's not sure which he likes less; him having to see Benrey's naked body, or Benrey seeing his.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Yeah no it's definitely Benrey seeing his.<br/><br/><br/>  Pale yellow and blush Sweet Voice spills from his mouth with a whine, alerting Benrey, who is now at his own bedroom door, to Gordon's preemptive embarrassment.<br/><br/><br/>  "aww, what, lil- lil baby feetman all shy about seeing his best roomie in the buff? repressed gay momence?" Benrey teases, and Gordon doesn't even have to look at him to know he's got that smugass grin on his face as he continues speaking. "you can look all you want, man. i don't care. can't really blame you if you do anyway. i know i'm pretty uh, <em>irresistible</em> after all."<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon lets out the most exasperated groan he can possible muster.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey pipes up again, "ohhhhh wait, i know. you're all, uh, all embarrassed and shit about ME seeing YOU naked, huh?" Gordon doesn't answer, which just seems to encourage Benrey. "<em>pffffft</em>, chill bro, i already seen yo dick before, when you had your dumb dick slip at work-"<br/><br/><br/>  "<em><strong>Please</strong> stop talking about my dick</em>," Gordon cuts him off before slipping into his room and slamming the door behind him. A muffled snicker can be heard from the hall. Gordon is still convinced that the alleged dick slip never actually fucking happened, but he really doesn't feel like arguing with Benrey right now.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon heads into his master bathroom, and starts getting undressed. At least one good thing came out of that teasing just now from Benrey- Gordon's now feeling too annoyed to feel any kind of embarrassment from seeing the not-a-man's bare form. Which, really, he shouldn't have been feeling in the first place. He's a grownass man, dammit! Not some fuckin' prepubescent middleschooler getting changed in the school locker room for the first time. He can deal with seeing Benrey's junk like the <em>mature adult</em> that he is.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Or not. As there is apparently no junk to even see.<br/><br/><br/>  Now fully undressed, Gordon discovers that Benrey's body is... lacking in some of the usual human anatomical features. No genitals of any sort, or nipples, or even a belly button. Just the same smooth grey skin that covers the rest of him. Like a living clothes shop mannequin... Or a really fucked up Ken doll.<br/><br/><br/>  "...Well, at least now I know for sure he's not getting off on my feet pics, I guess," Gordon muses aloud.<br/><br/><br/>  With yet another weird factoid about his roommate learned, Gordon finally steps into the shower. The warm water raining down on his form slowly but surely eases out a lot of the tension that Gordon didn't even realize was in him. He just stands there for a good bit, letting the water wash over him, before finally getting on with what he came here to do.<br/><br/><br/>  God, this is gonna take so much shampoo to get clean. Why didn't Benrey wash his hair? He bathed the rest of himself just fine and on the regular, so why can't he keep his hair clean, too? Grabbing the bottle of shampoo and popping the cap open, Gordon suddenly gets a pretty good possible idea as to why.<br/><br/><br/>  The normally pleasant smell of Gordon's strawberry scented shampoo is <em>absolutely</em> overpowering. And he hasn't even gotten any out of the damn bottle yet. His face scrunches up as he holds the bottle back away from nose reach. That marks one more lesson learned in Benrey Biology 101: He's got a sense of smell like a bloodhound on steroids.<br/><br/><br/>  Despite the offensively strong smell of the shampoo, Gordon's still determined to get the short matted mess on Benrey's scalp clean. He can just. Hold his breath while he does. Yeah, that'll work.<br/><br/><br/>  His shower ends up taking a lot longer than he intended, with the water running cold by the time he finally turns it off and steps out. As such, all the steam in the room has already dissipated for the most part, leaving the mirror clear of fog. Gordon catches his borrowed face's reflection in the mirror as he towels off, and pauses. He leans into the mirror, staring at the foreign face in it. Benrey's body lacks the glowing markings that Gordon's seen on humans, but there is a glow in his eyes. Orange, like Gordon's body's markings. Guess that means that his colour? ...And that Benrey's is a fuckin' rainbow, if the glow he saw in his own eyes with Benrey behind the wheel is anything to go by. He really does need to remember to ask Benrey what all that's about, his curiosity is getting super piqued.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon continues to stand there in front of the mirror and take in all the little details of Benrey's face. He's never really given it too much of a proper look-over. Mainly cause he knew Benrey would probably make a joke about him coming on to the not-a-man. Gordon makes a face at that thought... and it's a lot more expressive than he's used to seeing on Benrey. <em>Huh</em>... Gordon can't really help himself, and starts making all kinds of other faces in the mirror. Benrey's got a surprisingly expressive face, turns out. Guy just doesn't use it. <em>Maybe it's because he's used to just relying on the Sweet Voice to express himself</em>, Gordon ponders. The next expression Gordon tries out is a sincere smile (something he's <em>definitely</em> never seen on Benrey) and...<br/><br/><br/>  He feels his borrowed insides squirm.<br/><br/><br/>  But like... <em>in a good way</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  '<em>Oh no</em>,' is what Gordon meant to say, but instead what comes out is a light, high note, and several starfruit coloured balls of light. '<em>That's too cute</em>,' his traitorous bastard of a brain translates for him.<br/><br/><br/>  <strong><em>Oh no</em></strong>.<br/><br/><br/>----------------------------<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey is pretty sure he's never gonna understand half of the weirdass hangups that humans have. What's the big deal about seeing someone else naked? Or them seeing you naked? He just doesn't get it. Humans and their society-imposed sense of modesty...<br/><br/><br/>  With Gordon in the shower, Benrey is now left to his own devices once again. He briefly considers going back to sleep, because wow, <em>sleep good</em>. It was never this good to him when he was in his own body. But in a human body? Holy shit, bro.<br/><br/><br/>  But, naw. Gordon would probably fuss at him again. Which would normally be like, whatever, but Benrey should probably let up a little on the teasing and tormenting, considering the situation they're in. Not to mention the awful shit the poor guy went through last night.<br/><br/><br/>  He should also probably get dressed. Like, yeah, he's already wearing perfectly fine clothes, but they're ones that Gordon only ever wears to sleep in. Why he has different clothes to sleep in versus the ones he wears during the day is yet another weird human thing Benrey doesn't understand fully, but whatever. He'll roll with it.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey instinctively heads to his own bedroom closet to look for clothes before realizing <em>oh shit right, those won't fit feetman's bod</em>. He'll have to go digging through Gordon's closet for some 'day time' clothes. Hopefully the scientist will understand and not fuss at him about it.<br/><br/><br/>  When he slips into Gordon's room, he hears the shower in the attached bath kick on. Sweet, Gordon won't even hear him in here. Time to rifle through his closet with reckless abandon. He digs through and picks out the comfiest looking clothes he can find, tossing them onto the bed. Some worn jeans and an extra soft old t-shirt for a band he doesn't recognize (which can be said about most human bands, really). He strips off the 'sleep' clothes, leaving them discarded on the floor, and pulls on the 'day' clothes. The jeans fit just fine, but the shirt is... more than a little snug. Which is probably why he's never seen Gordon in this particular one. If Benrey lifts his borrowed arms at all, then more than an inch of hairy belly gets exposed for all to see. Which, honestly, Benrey couldn't care less about. But Gordon might, and Benrey's trying to be RESPECTFUL and shit while piloting his body. So off the ill-fitting shirt goes.<br/><br/><br/>  It's after he's shirtless once again that he finally notices the full-length mirror in Gordon's room. He looks to the closet, then back to the mirror, fingers flexing.<br/><br/><br/>  ...He could probably get away with just a <em>little</em> ogling of Gordon's body. He'll be looking... respectfully. Yeah. Totally. Nothing but respect for his best friend and roommate and unrequited crush. <em>Nothing</em> but <em>respect</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey strides up to the mirror and gets to <em>respectfully looking</em> at the sight before him. God, why does Gordon have to be so fuckin' hot? Does he even KNOW how pretty he is? He probably doesn't. He's hot, but he's also kind of oblivious. What a fuckin' himbo. And Benrey thought scientists were supposed to be smart, <em>heh</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  But, geez, man. Benrey would love nothing more than to just tell Gordon how gorgeous he is every day for the rest of his life. Too bad he's a dumbass who can't confess his feelings in a normal fuckin' manner. Of course, even if he could, Benrey seriously doubts that Gordon feels, or ever WILL feel the same way back. Not... after all the shit he's pulled. His gaze drifts down to the scar circling Gordon's arm as Benrey thinks about it. A feeling stirs in his unfamiliar guts, and he is not a fan of it.<br/><br/><br/>  He grabs at the ear flaps of his hat and yanks it down harder over his borrowed head, grumbling. <em>don't think about that, man. no point. nothing you can do about it</em>. He manages to shake off the negative feelings for now, and goes back to admiring Gordon's body (while pointedly ignoring the scar). He even tries striking a couple of sultry little poses, which does get a chuckle out of him. Just, the imagery of Gordon Freeman voguing is TOO fuckin' good.<br/><br/><br/>  And of course, it's when Benrey's doing this that the actual Gordon steps out of the bathroom, clad in a towel. They lock eyes, and there is a very tense awkwardness filling the room for all of three seconds before Gordon speaks up first.<br/><br/><br/>  "What are you <em>doing</em>?"<br/><br/><br/>  "uhhhhhhhh....... getting dressed?"<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon very obviously doesn't believe him. But much to Benrey's surprise, he doesn't press any further. "Well, hurry it up, then. Soon as I get dressed, we're heading out to the store," he says as he starts heading out of the bedroom.<br/><br/><br/>  "huh? didn't you just go grocery shopping, bro?"<br/><br/><br/>  "Getting you something to chew on that won't break my teeth, and some fragrance-free shampoo!" Gordon shouts his answer as he makes his way down the hall and into Benrey's room for some clothes of his own.<br/><br/><br/>  ...They make fragrance-free shampoo? Shit, man, Benrey wishes he'd known that like four months ago.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the 'starfruit = that's cute' sweet voice was shamelessly stolen from Chirpling's 'Enigmatic Candy Flavored Contextual Feelings Orbs' fanfic that i still really need to catch up on ha ha</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey, look! the chaos grandpas show up in this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Yeah, Benrey was very obviously posing at himself in the mirror just now. But luckily for the alien, Gordon's too preoccupied with <em>other thoughts</em> at the moment to question him about it.<br/><br/><br/>  Thoughts that he REALLY shouldn't be having. Especially not about BENREY of all people. Can you even call whatever the hell he is a person? <em><strike>Y</strike><strike>ou can call whatever the hell he is surprisingly cute</strike> NO. NO</em>. THOSE ARE EXACTLY THE THOUGHTS HE NEEDS TO NOT BE HAVING.<br/><br/><br/>  Damn Gordon's lonely, bisexual heart.<br/><br/><br/>  Just- fuckin'- why <em>Benrey?</em> Why this fucked up alien monster from beyond the veil who tried to kill him once? Who succeeded in killing several other defenseless people? Who got his hand chopped off by the military? Who still occasionally plagues his nightmares? Why would he EVER have feelings for someone like that?<br/><br/><br/> <em> If you hate him so much, then why have you let him live with you for the past four months</em>, Gordon's brain supplies.<br/><br/><br/>  He's... not really sure why. Resignation to the fact that he's never, ever getting rid of the guy, and thus might as well get used to it, perhaps? Then there's Tommy, who Gordon pretty much owes his life to. Tommy never seemed to want to give up on the idea that Benrey wasn't evil. Hell, even during the final battle on Xen, Tommy was still insisting that they not fight Benrey, just try to understand him. When Benrey inevitably popped back into their lives, It was Tommy who convinced Gordon to give the guy a second chance and let him move in with him. Gordon had questioned why he couldn't just stay with Tommy in that mansion the older man lives in, but Tommy's excuse was that his equally eldritch dad was territorial or something.<br/><br/><br/>  That, and that Benrey had apparently wanted to live with Gordon more than with Tommy, despite him and Tommy being apparent best friends.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon was sure that it was just so he could continue to make his life a living hell... but he really hasn't been, has he? Sure, they'll still have their arguments, but they're less straight-up fights and more just. Banter. Benrey's gotten plenty of laughs out of the physicist, too, since moving in. He'll act weird when out in public pretty often, but it's always in just completely harmless ways. He's even proven to be surprisingly good with Joshie, the eldritch entity and six-year-old boy having long conversations about video games, cowboys, dinosaurs, et cetera. It's...<br/><br/><br/>  <em>God</em>. It's fucking <em>cute</em> is what it is.<br/><br/><br/>  <em>Uhg</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  IT'S FINE, THOUGH. It's fine. He can find someone cute without it meaning he has <em>feelings</em> for them. Totally. Yeah.<br/><br/><br/>  Just keep telling yourself that, Gordon.<br/><br/><br/>  So lost in these thoughts, Gordon didn't even notice he'd made it into Benrey's bedroom and had the closet door open. Right, right. Get dressed, go to store. He kiiiiind of really doesn't want to go out in public like this, but they really do need that stim chew and shampoo. So Gordon starts to dig through Benrey's messy closet for something clean to wear.<br/><br/><br/>  Half of Benrey's shirts are a bunch of stupid gamer memes and PlayStation logos, while the other half are all skeleton-themed. Gordon obviously goes for one of the skeleton shirts. He also throws on some black jeans, and the only pair of shoes Benrey owns; his old combat boots. Gordon's offered to help him buy some new shoes, but Benrey refuses every time. Whatever. At least the boots were high-quality and thus not in danger of wearing out any time soon.<br/><br/><br/>  Now fully dressed, Gordon heads back into his bedroom to grab his phone and wallet. He finds Benrey's gotten dressed finally, too, having picked out a Metallica shirt, featuring the art for Ride the Lightning. Good album. Benrey likely picked that because of the blue, Gordon guesses. Guy's wild about that colour. When he found out there was a special edition PS4 that came in blue, Benrey'd acted like he'd found the Holy Grail.<br/><br/><br/>  "You ready to go, man?" Gordon asks as he grabs his phone and wallet from the dresser. "We're gonna have to take the bus, since you don't have a license and so I can't drive while looking like you."<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey gives him a little shrug. "'s cool. long as your weak human legs don't collapse on the walk to the bus stop. seriously, why are your legs so shitty, bro?"<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon scowls at him a little. "Sorry we can't all be <em>immaculate, god-like beings</em> like you."<br/><br/><br/>  "ha ha, yeah, sucks. your senses are all like, turned way down and shit. thought you were going deaf at first. and blind. and completely numb. and losing your sense of smell. and-"<br/><br/><br/>  "I get it! I get it! Human beings suck compared to you! Can we just go now?"<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey laughs, but doesn't talk any further, opting instead to follow Gordon out of the room. Though, when they reach the living room, he suddenly stops.<br/><br/><br/>  "oh, yo, wait a sec," he says, and then dashes off to his room. He bumps his borrowed shoulder into the door frame, causing Gordon to yell out a '<em>stop trying to clip through shit!</em>' to him. Gordon hears Benrey rummaging around for something in his room, he probably forgot where he put his own phone or something.<br/><br/><br/>  It doesn't take long before Benrey's returned to the living room. "aight. ready freddy."<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon gives an amused little huff, and they head out the door.<br/><br/><br/>  The moment they step outside, Gordon's new heightened senses are completely assaulted anew. He'd gotten pretty used to everything in the house, but the great outdoors was a whole 'nother ballgame. There are just SO many sights and smells and sounds and feelings and it's like they're all at max volume and thensome and Gordon can already feel the inside of his head and chest start to outright <em>writhe</em> in a very worrying way and-<br/><br/><br/>  "hey," Benrey speaks up, resting a hand on Gordon's borrowed shoulder.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon turns to him, and notices he's offering him something. A fidget toy shaped like a game pad. Oh yeah, that's right, Benrey never liked to leave the house without it. Then why is he..?<br/><br/><br/>  "bro, just take the toy. trust me on this, man. it'll help," Benrey says, shoving the fidget pad in Gordon's chest.<br/><br/><br/>  "Err, okay," Gordon says dumbly as he finally takes the offered toy. He's never actually used a specially made fidget before, always opting to just play with his own hair. But this... does feel pretty nice in his hand. Has a nice little weight to it. Gordon experimentally runs some fingers over the various buttons and wheels, testing them all out. He finds himself drawn to the back-and-forth switch, the circular smooth indention reminding him of a worry stone, and the click of the switch as he moves it is highly satisfying to his borrowed ears. He just stands there, playing with it for a good minute, as Benrey watches with a satisfied look on his face.<br/><br/><br/>  Whatever writhing feelings that were stirring within Gordon are completely gone now, and he looks back up at Benrey. "Uh... thanks," Gordon says, a bit awkwardly.<br/><br/><br/>  "no prob, bro," Benrey replies with a grin, looking oh-so proud of himself. "i know all my bod's cheat codes and pro strats- don't gotta worry about it. you'll be uh, S ranking this shit in no time."<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon lets out an amused exhale at Benrey's terminology and pats him on the arm with his free hand, before they finally start making their way for the bus stop. Gordon makes sure to keep his focus just on where he's going, which is much, much easier thanks to the fidget toy in his hands keeping him grounded.<br/><br/><br/>  The bus ride from their neighborhood and into town is pretty uneventful, which Gordon thanks his lucky stars for. As they approach the store and head inside, he hopes that this trend continues. But who is he kidding. Knowing Gordon's luck, it probably won't.<br/><br/><br/>  At one point on their way to the store, Benrey had mentioned that he wanted to check out the different smells of the various kinds of scented shampoo, now that he actually has a nose that can handle them. And thus, they are now hanging out in the hair care isle, Gordon having already found some good scentless shampoo, and Benrey delightedly taking in all the different fruity and flowery smells of the soaps. Gordon's once again hit with the '<em>oh god that's adorable</em>' feeling as he watches Benrey, but manages to swallow the starfruit lights back down this time. God forbid Benrey see that shit and make a comment about it. He decides to turn away from Benrey for the time being- and comes face to face with a familiar stout old man in a brightly coloured Hawaiian shirt, a lime green glow in his eyes and equally green glowing patterns on his skin, in designs that seem more reminiscent of circuit boards than Blaschko's Lines.<br/><br/><br/>  "Ah, hello, Benrey! Or should I say, hello, Gordon?" Dr. Coomer greets in his usual cheerful tone.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon blinks at him in confusion. "Dr. Coomer? How- how did you..?"<br/><br/><br/>  Coomer taps at his face near his eyes. "I have special eyes, Gordon! As does Benrey, as you've no doubt noticed. And orange is definitely <em>not</em> Benrey's colour."<br/><br/><br/>  Ah, yeah, that's right. Some of Coomer's cybernetic enhancements had apparently given the man a few eldritch abilities. Gordon already knew that Coomer could use Sweet Voice and peer into the cosmic void, so hearing that he's got vision like Benrey's isn't too surprising.<br/><br/><br/>  "Hey, yeah, I keep meaning to ask Benrey about that- what's the deal with the eye thing? And the glowing body patterns, too," Gordon asks.<br/><br/><br/>  "It would seem that many beings from the cosmic void have the ability to detect and see the 'Life Energy' of most living things. Everyone's energy signature is uniquely colour-coded; yours is orange for example, mine is lime as you can see, Tommy's is yellow, and my dear Bubby's is a lovely shade of cyan."<br/><br/><br/>  "And Benrey's is apparently the entire rainbow," Gordon adds.<br/><br/><br/>  "He's very full of 'Life Energy', Gordon! With a direct connection to the infinite cosmos itself fueling him, it's why he never stays dead!"<br/><br/><br/>  Well, there's those questions answered, Gordon guesses. Both the glowing thing, and Benrey's weird 'respawn' power. And speaking of Benrey, it seems he's finished huffing hair care products, as he strolls up to join Gordon and Coomer.<br/><br/><br/>  As does Bubby, who just now appeared from another nearby isle. Gordon notices the patterns on the lankier older scientist's body are a lot different from all the others he's seen; probably having to do with him pretty much being a homunculus and not a normal human. The bright cyan patterns on Bubby look more like hotrod flames than anything else, and Gordon can't help but be a little amused by that.<br/><br/><br/>  Bubby notices the younger pair as he comes up beside Coomer. He gives Benrey, in Gordon's body, a very judgmental-looking once over, and before anybody else can say anything, he says, "Gordon, why the fuck are you wearing one of Benrey's hats? You look stupid as hell in it. Are you two finally dating or something?"<br/><br/><br/>  Bubby's words have Benrey looking like his brain just short-circuited, while Gordon starts sputtering, trying to say something, but his tongue keeps tripping over itself. What does he mean 'finally'? The fuck does he know that Gordon doesn't!?<br/><br/><br/>  Finally, Gordon manages to spit out, "W-we're not- we're not fucking <em>dating!</em>"<br/><br/><br/>  Bubby raises an eyebrow at that reaction. "You're acting like Gordon," he says to who he still thinks is Benrey, before turning to Coomer. "Why is he acting like Gordon?"<br/><br/><br/>  "Astute observation, dear! It would seem our good friends Gordon and Benrey are having a bit of a 'Freaky Friday' situation, and are currently in each other's bodies!"<br/><br/><br/>  "Oh. Well, that's fucked up," Bubby says flatly.<br/><br/><br/>  "You don't even know the half of it, man," Gordon groans.<br/><br/><br/>  "yeah, seriously," Benrey speaks up. "being human is like, SO sucks, bro. how do you even fuckin' deal with this shit?"<br/><br/><br/>  "I don't!" says Coomer. "I'm more machine than man at this point. Been this way for a quite a while!"<br/><br/><br/>  "And I'm the ultimate life-form, grown in a tube, so I've never really had to deal with being human," Bubby adds. "Sucks to be you."<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey huffs at Bubby's ending comment, and Gordon grumbles at the implication that he's inferior to everyone else here when in his normal state of being.<br/><br/><br/>  I mean, yeah, sure, that's kind of true. But hey! He LIKES being human regardless! At least when he's human he doesn't have to worry about his body literally turning itself inside-out just because he got a little overstimulated! He should be asking how Benrey deals with THAT shit!<br/><br/><br/>  Or, well, how he dealt with it before he discovered fidget toys. Gordon still can't believe that simply fiddling with a chunk of plastic covered in buttons is all it takes to keep him from turning into something out of H.P. Lovecraft's nightmares, and yet, here he is, flicking a little switch back and forth and feeling totally fine and focused because of it.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Well okay, maybe not <em>entirely</em> focused. Gordon's only now noticing that the others were still conversing about something while he was entirely checked out, apparently. And they're all looking right at him now.<br/><br/><br/>  "...What?"<br/><br/><br/>----------------------------<br/><br/><br/>  "Sucks to be you," Bubby smirks, and Benrey huffs at him<br/><br/><br/>  "it's not funny, man. for real. i'm all, like, weak and shit. i feel like- like i'm gonna drop dead at any minute. everything's all dull like somebody put a fuckin', uh, glass box around me. muffles everything. can't see good, can't hear good, can't smell good. buncha other stuff i can't even feel at all anymore. only thing i DO feel more than before is <em>pain</em>. it's major fucked up, yo."<br/><br/><br/>  It really, really is. Benrey had no idea this was how Gordon, and presumably most other humans, experience the world every day. He feels so... <em>fragile</em>. It's finally giving Benrey a good idea about why Gordon always fusses at him to be more careful even when Benrey's not in any kind of real danger.<br/><br/><br/>  Because it's dangerous for <em>Gordon</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  ...Shit, that's another reason he was always so scared in Black Mesa, too, isn't it. Not just 'cause he can perma-die, but because it's <em>stupidly easy</em> for him to perma-die.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey looks back towards the human in his borrowed body, and the two older scientists follow his gaze. It takes a minute for Gordon to notice, and when he does, it becomes very apparent that he wasn't listening to a single word that was just said.<br/><br/><br/>  "...What?" Gordon asks.<br/><br/><br/>  "Oh my god," Bubby blurts out, amusement clear in his voice, "you just completely spaced out like Benrey usually does!"<br/><br/><br/>  Holy shit he sure did, didn't he? Guess the spacing out thing is tied more to how Benrey's physical brain is wired, rather than his consciousness. Come to think, he hasn't been spacing out much himself since ending up in Gordon's body. Huh, go fig.<br/><br/><br/>  "<em>Ffff</em>," Gordon practically hisses, "oh, fuck off, man." He looks away from Bubby, clearly embarrassed. Bubby chuckles, but shuts right up when Coomer elbows him in the gut.<br/><br/><br/>  The shorter older scientist then speaks up, "Well, gentlemen! It's been lovely seeing how completely batshit your worlds have gotten, but Bubby and I need to return to our shopping."<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon sighs, and nods. "Yeah, yeah, same. It was good seeing you, Dr. Coomer. It wasn't good seeing you, Bubby." Bubby just flips Gordon off in response to that.<br/><br/><br/>  The younger pair leave the old couple to their shopping, and get back to finishing up their own. Benrey manages to find a silicone stim chew shaped like a blue raccoon that he informs Gordon '<em>speaks to him on a deeply personal level</em>'. He is this raccoon, this raccoon is him, and he is going to gnaw the FUCK out of it once it's officially purchased.<br/><br/><br/>  And GOD is it satisfying when he finally is able to start biting it. Tommy once got him another silicone stim chew shaped like a t-rex, having underestimated how adept Benrey's sharp teeth are at tearing through... most things, pretty much. What can he say, he's an extreme omnivore by nature. Gotta be able to bite a lot of things if you wanna be able to eat a lot of things. Gordon's teeth, however, are all flat and lame and barely leave any dents in the silicone as he gnaws on it.<br/><br/><br/>  The trip back home is about as boring as the trip to the store was, though the bus ride feels like it drags on longer than the last time. As Benrey sits there and chews the raccoon, his mind can't help but wander back to thinking about how Gordon acted in Black Mesa, during the Resonance Cascade. About how all his actions and emotions, which Benrey thought were exaggerated and overreaction at the time, were completely valid. About how he wasn't just<em> acting</em> scared, he WAS scared. Scared to death. <em>Of</em> death.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey had found out about humans' inability to regenerenate body parts while they were still in Black Mesa, just before Gordon got the gun-arm. Tommy told him, and Benrey was going to apologize to Gordon for all the teasing he did due to not thinking it was so serious. But then Gordon kept shooting at him. <em>A lot</em>. It may not have been enough to kill Benrey, but it still really hurt. And so instead of apologizing, he just acted like a petulant child, getting mad and angry right back at Gordon.</p><p> </p><p>  When they got to Xen, Benrey saw it as an opportunity to really fuck with Gordon. He did try to make nice with the human at first, but then Gordon just kept making accusations that Benrey was the cause of all their problems, yelling at him, insisting that they were never friends. '<em>if you want me to be the big bad, then i'll be the big bad</em>,' Benrey had thought. He stalked them all throughout Xen, toying with them, putting the fear in them. Benrey even went so far as to kill the actual threat the lab coats back at 'Mesa had sent the Science Team to deal with. Killed it, stole its lair, took its place as the 'final boss.' Of course, Benrey didn't <em>really</em> want to kill them. He was just messing with them all. Fuckin' around, you know. They were still his friends, in the end, even if some of them (Gordon) didn't think so.</p><p> </p><p>  It wasn't until after Black Mesa, after Benrey had been brought back out of the void Tommy's had dad locked him in, that Benrey learned about how humans can't come back after death.<br/><br/><br/>  Though they were half-hearted, if any of Benrey's attacks during the fight had landed, his human friends would've been very much dead and gone.</p><p> </p><p>  The thought turns his borrowed stomach, and if he could still use Sweet Voice while in Gordon's body, he just knows the air would be getting filled with guilty and loathsome sanguine and shadow.<br/><br/><br/>  ...It's no wonder Gordon still has nightmares about Benrey.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey, so lost in thought, doesn't notice when Gordon looks over at him for the briefest of moments, a look of slight curiosity and mostly concern on his borrowed face. He doesn't say anything, and just looks back away elsewhere, remaining silent for the rest of the trip home.<br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>coomer and bubby are totally together here, but i'm not gonna bother tagging the ship since it's not at all the focus of this fic</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lunch time! and tommy again! and darnold! and MORE NIGHTMARES</p><p>yeah i gave into my gorehound nature and so there's descriptions of a vivisection in here, whoopsy-doopsy.</p><p>if you wanna avoid that bit, it starts and ends with the ~~~~~~~~~~~'s</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  It's about lunch time when the odd pair finally cross the threshold of their shared home, and Gordon's stomach is apparently very in tune with the time, as it loudly growls at Benrey as soon as they pass by the kitchen. That... feels really weird. When in his own body, the feeling of hunger Benrey gets every couple of months is a kind of squirmy feeling (but like, distinctly different from the <em>happy</em> squirmy feeling). In Gordon's human body, though, it's this... weirdly empty burning feeling, like the stomach is trying to eat itself for lack of anything else to digest. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey can't really say he's too wild about it. <br/><br/><br/>  Now, usually when it's one of the months that Benrey actually needs to eat (or he just wants to eat for the hell of it), he can just grab pretty much whatever, shove it in his maw, and call it a day. Perk of the whole 'extreme omnivore' thing. But putting just any old garbage in Gordon's delicate human stomach would prrrrrrobably be a bad idea. <br/><br/><br/>  Aw, man, he's gotta actually THINK about what to eat. <em>So</em> sucks. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey's tempted to just grab some Froot Loops again (even if they were shitty), but he remembers Gordon once mentioning that humans have to have, like, variety in their diets to get all the vitamins and minerals and shit they need to not die or something. <em>Uhg</em>, why do humans gotta be so high maintenance? Benrey wonders if it's just dumb luck that got them to the top of earth's food chain. <br/><br/><br/>  Food. <em>Food food food food</em> yeah okay he needs to eat right now. <br/><br/><br/>  "yo, gordos," Benrey calls out to wherever Gordon disappeared into the house, "when's uh, when's lunch time? your stomach's bein' all weird at me and i'm pretty sure i need to put food in it." <br/><br/><br/>  For a moment, Benrey gets no response. He's about to repeat himself when Gordon sticks his borrowed head out the guest bathroom doorway. "Sorry, what'd you say?" <br/><br/><br/>  And apparently he needs to repeat himself anyway. "lunch time for benrey now, please?" <br/><br/><br/>  "Oh, yeah, sure," Gordon says, and he starts making his way to the kitchen. Benrey follows after him like an expectant hungry cat. He hopes whatever Gordon fixes actually still tastes good. Kinda really fucked up that humans have to eat multiple times every day while having such shitty bad taste buds. <br/><br/><br/>  Once they get in the kitchen, Gordon opens up the fridge and starts throwing out suggestions for what he should fix. They all sound pretty boring, as far as Benrey's concerned. Gordon eventually decides on fried ham sandwiches, which Benrey gueeeeesses is okay. Feetman does fry a mean ham. That's one of the things Benrey's come to appreciate about humans- that they got the idea to 'cook' stuff. Who knew that setting a chunk of dead animal cells on fire for a little bit would make it taste so fuckin' good? Well, humans knew, apparently. Also apparently, cooking food makes it way less dangerous for humans to eat. Something about the heat killing dangerous parasites and bacteria or whatever that could really fuck them over if ingested. <br/><br/><br/>  Again- HOW the shit did humans get to be the dominant species that they are today when it seems that just about every little thing can kill them perma-dead? <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey sits at the kitchen table and watches Gordon as he fries up the deli ham for their sandwiches, the smell of cooking pork filling the room. It doesn't smell nearly as good as it normally does for Benrey, but it's still <em>pretty</em> good. Gordon's stomach seems to agree, as it gnaws at itself again in anticipation. Benrey presses a hand into his borrowed middle in an attempt to make it cut that shit out. <br/><br/><br/>  Thankfully, it's not much longer before Gordon's finished getting lunch ready, putting together the sandwiches and setting them on plates. After he brings the plates over to the table and sets them down, he's about to pop a sit in the chair opposite of Benrey when Benrey speaks up. <br/><br/><br/>  "yo, before you sit down, soda please? drink to go with lunch, thank you?" he asks. <br/><br/><br/>  "You can have lemonade," Gordon answers. "I've been trying to cut down on how much soda I drink, remember?" <br/><br/><br/>  "booooooooo," Benrey replies, slumping in his chair. "c'mon, man, tommy drinks soda all the time and he's totally healthy and shit." <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah, but I'm not Tommy. Sorry, Benrey- my body, my dietary rules. Deal with it," Gordon says as he grabs the pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey mumbles something in a mocking tone, but he doesn't think Gordon heard it. Oh well. He decides to go ahead and dig into his sandwich, in an attempt to shut up Gordon's stomach, which is growling at him again. The taste is predictably not nearly as good to Gordon's taste buds as it is to Benrey's, but it's still better than the Froot Loops were, at least. As Benrey eats, he casts a glance back at Gordon, who is taking longer than he probably should to get a glass of lemonade and... <br/><br/><br/>  Why is he staring at his hand like that? <br/><br/><br/>  "feetman? ...you good, bro?" <br/><br/><br/>-------------- <br/><br/><br/>  "Sorry, Benrey- my body, my dietary rules. Deal with it." <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon hears Benrey mumble some nonsense mocking sounds in response, but chooses to ignore him as he fetches the lemonade. After grabbing the pitcher out of the fridge, he sets it on the counter and then reaches for the cabinet where he keeps the drinking glasses. It's only when Gordon's reaching up for a glass that he realizes that the glasses are higher than he can grab while stuck at Benrey's shorter height, and he's about to turn to ask Benrey to get a glass for him- <br/><br/><br/>  -when his hand wraps around a glass anyway and he pulls it out of the cabinet. <br/><br/><br/>  Because his borrowed arm is suddenly disproportionately longer than it has any right being. <br/><br/><br/>  At least, it was until Gordon brought it back down after having grabbed the glass. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon stands frozen, staring at the limb, trembling slightly. He just shape-shifted. A very small amount, yes, but he still did it. Without even meaning to. It just <em>happened</em>. Oh god, oh <em>fuck</em>. It's that easy? It's that easy for that shit to just happen, without him even thinking about it? It was that easy for the fucking John Carpenter's bullshit Benrey's body pulled on him last night to happen again- <br/><br/><br/>  "feetman? ...you good, bro?" Benrey asks, startling Gordon from his spiraling thoughts. His head snaps over to face Benrey, and anxious green Sweet Voice escapes his mouth when he opens it to say something. They both know what it means. "...uh, guess not, then." <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon turns back away from Benrey, setting the glass down, and then gripping the counter with both hands. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to take in some calm, deep breaths. <em>It's fine. IT'S FINE. You're fine, Gordon. You shape-shifted on accident, but that doesn't mean you're gonna fuckin' explode again. The arm went right back to normal pretty much immediately as soon as you noticed it. It's fine, you're fine.</em> <br/><br/><br/>  Eventually, the anxious green floating out of Gordon's mouth with each exhale turns into a much more relaxed blue as Gordon manages to stave off that potential panic attack. He takes one more deep, calm breath, before finally pouring a glass of lemonade up for Benrey, putting the pitcher back in the fridge, and heading back to the table. Benrey cocks his borrowed head to the side as Gordon hands him the glass, looking like he wants to say something, but he stays silent. At least, until Gordon actually sits back down and is just about to bite into his sandwich. <br/><br/><br/>  "...you good now?" he asks, and to his credit, there does seem to be a little concern in his tone. <br/><br/><br/>  "Honestly? No, I'm not. And I probably won't be until Mr. Coolatta gets back and fixes this shit," Gordon replies bluntly, and then finally takes a bite of his lunch. Benrey doesn't say anything after that, and they both eat the rest of their lunch in silence. Gordon's thankful for it, as he's suddenly <em>really</em> not in the mood for any of Benrey's... <em>Benrey</em> right now. <br/><br/><br/>  Lunch gets finished and dishes get washed. Benrey's planted himself down in front of the TV cabinet, seemingly trying to decide which game system he should hook up and play. Gordon's standing in the start of the hall, debating on whether or not he should go attempt a nap to get back the sleep he lost last night. The mental exhaustion is creeping back up on him, but he's still not entirely sure if he feels comfortable leaving Benrey unsupervised yet. If all Benrey's gonna do is play video games, then it's <em>probably</em> fine. Not like Gordon's nap is gonna be THAT long... <br/><br/><br/>  Just then, the home phone in the kitchen begins to ring. Gordon notes the caller ID reading 'Tommy' as he grabs the phone and answers. "Hello?" <br/><br/><br/>  "Hi, uh... Mr. Freeman, still?" asks Tommy. <br/><br/><br/>  "Yep, still me in here. Unfortunately," Gordon answers with a sigh. "What's up?" <br/><br/><br/>  "I just want- just wanted to check up on you! Make sure you were still doing okay," answers Tommy. "How're you feeling?" <br/><br/><br/>  "...Been better, honestly. But I haven't turned inside-out again, so I guess I should be thankful for that. No word from your dad, yet?" <br/><br/><br/>  "No, sorry, Mr. Freeman..." <br/><br/><br/>  There's a sudden shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and a new voice speaks up. "Are you talking to Gordon?" they ask. Gordon hears Tommy make an affirmative sound and says something about 'speaker', and the new voice speaks again, more clearly. "Hey, Gordon! Heard you had... quite a night, last night." <br/><br/><br/>  "Hey, Darnold. 'Quite a night' is... kind of an understatement," Gordon says. <br/><br/><br/>  "Yyyyeah. Hah, this is weird- hearing you sounding like Benrey. Though I suppose it's even weirder on your end, huh?" <br/><br/><br/>  "Dude, you don't even know the HALF of it. Did you know Benrey can apparently feel colours? I never had much opinion on the colour beige before but <em>FUCK</em>, I can't stand the texture of it! It's like fuckin' sand-paper but <em>moist</em>," Gordon says with a shudder. <br/><br/><br/>  "Ooh, yeah, that. That does sound weirder," Darnold says, kind of flatly. <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah, Benrey- Benrey's got a lot of- of senses that we humans don't," Tommy adds. <br/><br/><br/>  "Well, anyway," Darnold beings again, "I wanted to talk to you, to tell you that I might be able to help you." <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah?" Gordon says, curious. <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah. I believe I could mix a potion that could reverse your body swap. It might take a little time, but I betcha I could whip it up sooner than Tommy's father will back from his... <em>business trip</em>." <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon wasn't getting his hopes up when Darnorld mentioned being able to help, and now he feels right to. While the man's 'potions' can indeed do some amazing things... said things are almost never the intended effect. Like when Darnold gave him that potion to grow back Gordon's missing hand, and he grew a <em>fucking minigun</em> instead. <br/><br/><br/>  He doesn't even wanna think what a 'body swap potion' might accidentally do, to his or Benrey's body. <br/><br/><br/>  "Err, I really appreciate the offer, but I think I'm gonna have to pass on it," Gordon says. <br/><br/><br/>  "Eh, suit yourself. Just know that the offer still stands if you change your mind," Darnold replies. Gordon's glad he doesn't sound too offended by being turned down. Guy's kind of sensitive about his potions. "Well," Darnold continues, "I need to get back to what I was doing before. Talk to you later, Gordon!" <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah, later," Gordon says, his farewell followed by the sound of footsteps fading and a door closing on the other end of the line. <br/><br/><br/>  Tommy speaks back up again. "Y'know, for what it's worth, I don't- I don't think we'll have to wait too long for my dad to get back. Maybe- maybe not even a full week." <br/><br/><br/>  "God I hope so," Gordon groans. A week is still pretty damn long if you ask him, but at least it's shorter than a month. <br/><br/><br/>  "Hey, is Benrey there to talk?" Tommy asks. <br/><br/><br/>  "Oh, uh, yeah. I think he's just playing video games. I can leave you two to chat- I was just about to go lay down for a nap. Didn't manage to fall back asleep last night, after you left." <br/><br/><br/>  "Oh? Yeah, that- that makes sense. Benrey doesn't really need to- to sleep much, so your brain won't be getting the- the normal sleep signals. Which probably isn't good, since- since you're used to sleeping. So you probably should go take a nap," Tommy says. <br/><br/><br/>  Exiting the kitchen and moving into the living room, Gordon comes up behind the couch where Benrey's sat, playing something on the PS3. He taps Benrey on the shoulder and says, "Hey, Tommy wants to talk to you." <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon barely has time to offer Benrey the phone when the entity snatches it from his hand. He just makes a little <em>tch</em> sound at that, before walking away and heading for his bedroom, last thing he hears from the living room being Benrey yelling '<em>TOMMYYYYYY</em>' into the receiver. <br/><br/><br/>  The mental exhaustion has come back with a vengeance when he finally makes it into his bedroom. After getting Benrey's boots off and grabbing a weighted blanket from the closet (hoping that the pressure might help him sleep?), Gordon flops down onto the bed. He eagerly soaks in the softness of his pillow and the weight of the blanket, both succeeding in making him feel a little more relaxed. The universe seems to take pity on him again, as he does actually manage to fall asleep after not that long. It's a nice, dreamless slumber. <br/><br/><br/>  At first. <br/><br/><br/>  The universe apparently changed its mind about the whole pity thing, deciding instead to tell Gordon to go fuck himself in the form of a brand new nightmare. <br/><br/><br/>~~~~~~~~~~ <br/><br/><br/>  <em>Gordon opens his eyes, but he instantly regrets it, squinting at the blinding light baring down on him. He tries shield his eyes with a hand, but finds that limbs are all stuck in place. He's strapped down to some flat, cold surface, and the room is permeated by the sterile smell of disinfectant. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  He's hyperventilating now. How did he get here? Where even IS here? He tries to look around to get an idea, but everything is obscured by that horrible bright light. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  His panicked breaths and heart rate pick up even more when he hears something moving off to the side. Metallic clattering, followed by a voice. He can't make out a single word the voice is saying- it sounds like it's underwater or something. It's quickly joined by a couple of other voices, all equally muffled. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  "Please... please..." Gordon weeps. He knows what's about to happen. How does he know that? It's happened before. Has it? Multiple times. This is new to him? They can never get enough. What?? </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  His thoughts are immediately interrupted when a cold, sharp blade slices into him, from each end of his collar bone, and straight down the middle to his groin. He screams as the knife cuts through his flesh, so achingly slow. His weeping from earlier turns into full on sobbing as the muffled voices start to carefully peel away layers of skin, fat, and muscle, exposing his innards for all the world to see. Gloved hands plunge into his opened abdomen, and he screams again through gritted teeth. He raises his head, and sees those hands pull what looks like a cluster of writhing eels out of his abdominal cavity, inky black and dripping with deep deep sanguine blood. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  "No, no, please, <strong>please</strong>," Gordon sobs out. His pleading falls of deaf ears, however, as another knife is brought in to sever the organ's connections to the rest of his body. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  He wails in pain again, and he doesn't stop, they just keep going, they keep taking, why do they keep doing this, what do they even want from him- </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  All the previous sensations immediately vanish as a new one makes itself known. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  Thin, bony digits cupping the side of his face.</em> <br/><br/><br/>~~~~~~~~~~ <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon's eyes snap open, and he is infinitely relieved when he realizes he's not strapped to a metal table in some white room, but is laying safe in his bed. He closes his eyes back and sighs. That... was NOT one of the nightmares he usually has. What the hell even WAS that? Aside from incredibly fucked up, of course. <br/><br/><br/>  There's a shuffling by his bed, and Gordon opens his eyes back up, expecting to see Benrey. <br/><br/><br/>  Instead, his eyes are met by the empty sockets of a very familiar skeleton. It tilts its head and clacks its mandible at him. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon lets out a <em>very</em> undignified shriek. <br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>call dream-gordon a hovercraft, cause he's full of eels!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOW this took way too long to get out. a while back i came Down with the Sickness, and then after recovering from that fell into a major pit of depression. that i'm honestly still drowning in :')</p><p>BUT THAT'S IRRELEVANT! CHAPTER 6! IT'S HERE! FINALLY! ENJOY!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  "<em>TOMMYYYYYY</em>," Benrey says, probably a little too loudly, into the receiver after snatching the phone from Gordon's hand. He pays no mind to the annoyed sound Gordon makes as he leaves for his bedroom. <br/><br/><br/>  "Hi, Benrey! How- how're you holding up?" Tommy asks. <br/><br/><br/>  "<em>BBBBBBBB</em>, sucks, man. being human is like, <em>so</em> lame. no offense," Benrey answers. <br/><br/><br/>  "None taken. I can only imagine how jarring it must be, losing- losing so many of your usual senses and- and powers." <br/><br/><br/>  "yeah, man! i can't even- can't even sweet voice while stuck in feetman's bod! i keep wanting to, but it doesn't feel right. like all the voice is just, fuckin', stuck. can't get it out." A pause. "uh. nothing bad's gonna happen to gordon's body if i can't get my feelings out, is it?" Benrey asks, sounding more than a little concerned. <br/><br/><br/>  "Oh, no, don't worry! I mean, <em>you'll</em> feel bad, probably? From, uh, bottling up your emotions. But- but Mr. Freeman's body will- it'll be fine." <br/><br/><br/>  "oh, okay." <br/><br/><br/>  An awkward second of silence. <br/><br/><br/>  "You- you should probably try expressing yourself in more ways besides- besides the Sweet Voice, while you're stuck in a human body that can't use it." <br/><br/><br/>  "hmm." <br/><br/><br/>  "I'm serious, Benrey. Keeping your feelings all locked up, it's not good for you. You're already in a- a stressful situation. Don- don't do anything to add to it, okay?" Tommy pleads. <br/><br/><br/>  "okay okay okay, i'll figure something out. get a lil' diary or somethin'. promise," Benrey finally relents. <em>Uhg</em>, just the thought of trying to express himself using ONLY stupid people words gives Benrey a migraine. But he'll do it for Tommy. Benrey doesn't like it when Tommy worries. He doesn't like it when any of his friends worry, honestly. When his friends worry, it makes him worry, which just makes his friends worry even more. It's a vicious cycle. <br/><br/><br/>  ...All this thinking about worrying suddenly reminds Benrey of something. <br/><br/><br/>  "oh, hey, gordon talks to you about his nightmares sometimes, right?" Benrey asks. <br/><br/><br/>  "Yeah." <br/><br/><br/>  "how, uh, like, in detail does he get?" <br/><br/><br/>  A pause on Tommy's end. "I-I'm not sure I should say. Mr. Freeman tells me about his- his dreams in confidence." <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey makes a sound of understanding. "yeah, okay, i get that. private information n' shit." <br/><br/><br/>  "Why do you ask? Is it something to- to do with the nightmare Mr. Freeman was having when, uh, this happened?" Tommy asks. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey's borrowed hand grips the controller it clutches a little more tightly. "yeah... he was havin' a nightmare about <em>me</em>." There's an awful twisting feeling in Benrey's unfamiliar chest as he speaks. "...he's never once told me about that. that he has nightmares about me still." <br/><br/><br/>  "Oh..." comes Tommy's soft, sad response. "I... he probably didn't wan- didn't wanna hurt your feelings," Tommy offers. <br/><br/><br/>  It's a nice thought, Benrey supposes, but he can't deny how a big part of him seriously doubts that. He doesn't say anything about it, though, letting Tommy continue. <br/><br/><br/>  "Have you talked about it with Mr. Freeman?" <br/><br/><br/>  "...no," Benrey answers simply. Would Gordon even <em>want</em> to talk about it? He hasn't mentioned it once since they woke up. Also, if there's one thing Benrey's worse at than talking about his feelings, it's talking about his feelings <em>with Gordon</em>. And that seems to go both ways, too, considering how often they've had misunderstandings with each other in the past. <br/><br/><br/>  And, god, it's gonna be even harder to talk to him now, now that he knows that Gordon is apparently still afraid of him, at least on some subconscious level. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey was really hoping that him living all chill with the man for the past four months meant they were past that... <br/><br/><br/>  "Benrey?" Tommy speaks up again, snapping Benrey's attention back. <br/><br/><br/>  "yeah, man?" <br/><br/><br/>  "I think you should talk to him. Wh-when you're ready. Since you're not used to- to talking about your feelings with words yet, maybe practice first? But this is something you both gotta- gotta confront sooner or later." <br/><br/><br/>  Tommy’s right, Benrey knows this. Still doesn’t mean he’s gonna not like doing it any less. “yeah… yeah, i will, man. don't worry. we'll get a feelings jam goin'.” <br/><br/><br/>  Suddenly, there’s a crash on Tommy’s end of the line, followed by a muffled shout. “Oh. Uh-oh. Uhhh I gotta- gotta go now. I’ll talk to you later!” <br/><br/><br/>  “’kay. ttyl tommy bro,” Benrey says before they both hang up. <br/><br/><br/>  In any other situation, Benrey would feign forgetfulness to avoid having to talk to Gordon. But he promised Tommy, and Benry Benry Benry Lover has <em>never</em> broken a promise to Tommy Coolatta. Never before, and he’s not gonna start now. <br/><br/><br/>  …Of course, that doesn’t mean that he has to do the feelings jam RIGHT now. Besides, like Tommy said, Benrey needs to practice talking his feelings out first. Which is also something he doesn’t have to do right this instant. He’s gotta get his Demon's Souls on, bro. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey games away for about an hour or two after his chat with Tommy. To his credit, he does idly wonder about alternative, non-Sweet Voice ways he could use to get his feelings out, during parts of gameplay where he doesn’t have to focus too much. <br/><br/><br/>  Not really having much in the ideas department, unfortunately. <em>BBBBBBBBBBB</em>… <br/><br/><br/>  Just then, he hears a shriek coming from Gordon’s room, and his borrowed heart stops. Oh shit oh shit oh shit, is he having another panic attack? Benrey leaps up from the couch and bolts to the back of the house. <br/><br/><br/>  When he flings the door open, he’s greeted by the sight of Gordon clutching his blanket like a shield, whining out red to jade Sweet Voice, while a skeleton stares at him from his bedside. <br/><br/><br/>  “oh hey, you made a skeleton.” <br/><br/><br/>---------------------------- <br/><br/><br/>  “oh hey, you made a skeleton,” Benrey states simply after bursting into Gordon’s room. <br/><br/><br/>  “Yeah, I noticed! How do I make it leave?” Gordon asks, sounding a little frantic. The skeleton tilts its head at him and then looks to Benrey, somehow looking confused. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon likes to think he’s done pretty well with getting accustomed to a lot of Benrey’s weird eldritch bullshit. Except for skeletons. They still freak him out. <br/><br/><br/>  The fact that this one popped up right after he had a really fucked up nightmare isn't helping matters. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey frowns. “why you freaking out? he's not gonna hurt you, man.” <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon bares his borrowed fangs in a snarl, but it’s fearful rather than intimidating. “I don’t ffffucking care, get it OUT of here!” <br/><br/><br/>  If the skeleton had any facial muscles, it'd probably look a little hurt at Gordon’s apparent disdain for it. Instead, Benrey’s the one with the sad expression as he responds. “okay gordo, chill,” he says, and waves a beckoning hand at the skeleton. “c’mon, bro. feetman wants to be alone.” The skeleton looks at Gordon once more, before shrugging and following Benrey out of the room, closing the door behind them. <br/><br/><br/>  Once he’s alone again, Gordon curls in on himself and attempts to calm himself down again. He tries his breathing exercises, but they alone aren't working, so he also attempts his other favorite anxiety soother: fidgeting with his hair. Unfortunately, while Benrey’s hair is very soft (now that it’s clean), it’s really too short to properly fidget with. Not enough for Gordon to run his borrowed fingers through, which is just making him more agitated. Okay okay, abort mission. Think of something else, Gordon. His anti-anxiety meds aren’t an option right now- who knows if they would even work on Benrey’s weird alien brain. But what else helps Gordon calm down during anxiety attacks? There’s the hair thing, weighted blanket which obviously isn’t working right now, Benrey’s Sweet Voice, which... Gordon’s not even sure if the user can even use it on themself, not that he’s calm enough to try and spit out calming blue right now anyway. There’s his favorite hoodie- oh shit! Yeah! The hoodie! Not quite cool enough weather for that yet, but who cares. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon hops up from his bed and goes to dig through his closet for his favorite old, soft, orange hoodie. As soon as he finds it, he quickly pulls it on…. And finds himself to be absolutely swimming in it. He kinda forgot for a moment just how much bigger he is than Benrey. Gordon moves over to his mirror to get a look at himself and, yeah, the hoodie practically looks like a damn dress on Benrey’s comparatively smaller form. <br/><br/><br/>  Seeing Benrey’s form engulfed in the oversized hoodie is a sight funny enough to get a good chuckle out of Gordon, settling his anxiety down a little bit. It also reminds him of something he hasn't done in a long time... Gordon moves from the mirror and climbs back onto the bed, and adjusts the blankets into a kind of nest around himself. He then draws his knees in, folding them to his chest inside the spacious hoodie, and pulls his arms in out of the sleeves as well. Folded up inside the hoodie as he is, he has now effectively “cocooned” himself. It’s something he used to do a lot as a kid, with a dinosaur sleep shirt that was clearly adult sized. He remembers being so sad when that old shirt got too worn out to wear anymore. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon lets himself sink into his hoodie cocoon as he reminisces about his childhood, anxiety slowly fading as he does. <br/><br/><br/>---------------------------- <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey makes his way back to the living room and plops back down on the couch, the skeleton following suit. He inhales deeply and lets out a heavy sigh before turning his face to his bony companion. <br/><br/><br/>  “sorry ‘bout that, man. gordo's still kinda freaked out by you, ‘cause of the uh, pranks and the boss fight n' shit,” Benrey explains. The skeleton’s empty sockets just stare at him. “oh yeah, i also kinda fucked up last night aaaaaand we're in each other’s bodies now. very unepic situation.” The skeleton nods in understanding. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey slumps back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling. He closes his eyes and grumbles. “i just… i thought we were doing good, man. i thought he was starting to like me again. that he wasn’t scared of me anymore.” Benrey looks down at his borrowed hands. “…but he still is. he still dreams about me trying to… to kill him.” <br/><br/><br/>  A bony hand is placed on his arm, and Benrey looks back over at the skeleton. It clacks its mandible and sings out a little purple. Benrey responds with a rather half-hearted smile, but it falls from his face pretty quickly as he looks back away. “i dunno man, i just wish i knew how to fix this shit. wish i was better at the whole friend thing. i used to think i was soooo good at it, but… kinda- kinda realizing now that i'm… pretty fuckin' garbo at it, actually.” The skeleton tilts its head, and Benrey shakes his. “good friends don’t get their friends maimed by boot boys. you don’t call people you have nightmares of good friends. those are shit-tier friend traits….” <br/><br/><br/>  An uncomfortable silence settles between the two- no singing or clacking from the skeleton, and no talking from Benrey. Although, he kinda really WANTS to talk, his head is just so full of all these bad thoughts and feelings that he really wants to get out… but he just can’t find the words. Which is really, REALLY sucks. If he can’t even talk to his skeleton, how the fuck is he gonna talk to Gordon? <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey leans forward and buries his borrowed face in his hands, groaning. His attention is brought back to the skeleton when it nudges his shoulder, however, and he sees it offering him the PS3 controller. Benrey looks from the controller to the skeleton, and then sighs as he takes the controller. Yeah, it’s right- maybe some more game time is in order. Though, maybe instead of more Demon’s Souls… “yo, wanna build a castle in minecraft?” <br/><br/><br/>---------------------------- <br/><br/><br/>  It’s sometime close to supper time when Gordon finally reemerges from his room, decidedly much calmer now. As such, he’s not <em>quite</em> as on edge when he sees the skeleton, still here, sitting on the couch with Benrey. <br/><br/><br/>  And playing Minecraft??? <br/><br/><br/>  “yeah! fuck ‘em up, fuck ‘em up! show that poser who the cooler skeleton is!” Benrey cheers as the skeleton on the couch dukes it out with a skeleton in the game. He’s so distracted by the Epic Skeleton Duel that he doesn’t notice Gordon enter the room. Or that his own character is about to walk right into lava. <br/><br/><br/>  Hesitantly, Gordon walks over and takes a seat on the recliner by the couch. There’s still enough room on the couch for him, but, y'know. Skeleton. The leather cushion creaks under him, and the pair on the couch finally acknowledge his presence. <br/><br/><br/>  “yo, gordo. didn't know you had a dress hoodie,” Benrey says, referring to hoodie still swallowing Gordon’s borrowed form. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon snorts. “It’s not <em>supposed</em> to a dress. Your body’s just tiny compared to mine,” he corrects. The tell-tale sound of Benrey’s Minecraft character sizzling in lava draws the entity's attention back to the TV, and he mumbles out something that Gordon doesn’t quite catch, but sounded an awful lot like ‘<em>Gordon Hugeman</em>.’ Gordon rolls his eyes at that. <br/><br/><br/>  And then his eyes settle on the skeleton. <br/><br/><br/>  That is staring right back at him. <br/><br/><br/>  A low whine rises from his borrowed throat, accompanied by some uncomfortable yellow and green. Benrey notices this, and then nudges the skeleton, drawing its attention back to him. <br/><br/><br/>  “sorry bro, but i think it’s about time for you to bounce,” Benrey says to his bony companion. The skeleton nods, throws up a peace sign, and then descends, clipping through the couch and into the ground. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon just stares dumbly at the space the skeleton was once occupying for a moment before shaking his head. “Uh, thanks,” he mutters. <br/><br/><br/>  “no prob, bro,” Benrey replies. <br/><br/><br/>  Silence falls on the room, the only sounds being the occasional ones of Benrey’s game. It’s just shy of becoming an uncomfortable silence when Gordon finally speaks up again. “Y’know, I think that was the first skeleton I’ve seen since Black Mesa. I was almost starting to think you couldn’t make them anymore,” he says. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey shrugs, not looking away from his game. “haven’t made any ‘cause i didn’t wanna freak you out,” Benrey says. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon stares at him, more than a little surprised to hear that. Benrey, being considerate? I mean yeah, he’s been doing that more lately, but Gordon’s shocked to hear he’s been doing it since he first showed back up, too. Especially since it involves the skeletons, which Benrey seemed to take absolute glee in using to fuck with Gordon. Which reminds him… <br/><br/><br/>  “Why did that one even show up? I know you said I made it, but I have no idea how. I woke up and it was just <em>there</em>,” Gordon says. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey pauses his game and taps a finger on his borrowed chin, thinking. “hmmm… what were you dreaming about before you woke up?” he asks. <br/><br/><br/>  “Another fucked up nightmare,” Gordon answers. He doesn’t go into details about it because he’s honestly trying to purge it from his memory. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey thinks about that for a moment, and then seems to come to an answer. “ohhhhh, i get it. you were all scared in the dream, so your brain- or i guess my brain- made a skeleton to protect you,” Benrey explains, and nods sagely to himself. <br/><br/><br/>  '<em>Maybe it’s here to protect us</em>,’ Gordon remembers Coomer once suggesting about one of Benrey’s skeletons, the first one they ran into. Gordon has no idea if it actually was going to protect them while they slept if they hadn't shot it to death, but apparently that is indeed one of their functions. If Gordon subconsciously summoned one to protect himself, maybe that’s even what they’re mainly for? Of course, now Gordon’s wondering why Benrey’s weird apparent defense mechanism is to manifest <em>human skeletons</em> of all things. <br/><br/><br/>  “What <em>are</em> the skeletons, anyway? Why are they <em>human</em> skeletons?” Gordon asks next. <br/><br/><br/>  “they’re like, uhhh,” Benrey pauses, smacking his lips. “make ‘em up pals.” <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon blinks. “Make ‘em up- …you mean imaginary friends??” <br/><br/><br/>  “yeah! those things. when i was a lil' baby and didn’t have any friends yet, i just made up my own,” Benrey explains. “they look like human skeletons ‘cause i saw one once and thought it was the coolest shit. which i still do. you got cool bones.” <br/><br/><br/>  Huh. Well. That’s… certainly not the explanation Gordon was expecting. Imaginary friends… Gordon would ask why they seem so tangible for being imaginary, but Benrey’s a reality-bending cosmic horror. All the explanation he needs, really. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon is also not gonna bother asking Benrey how he found the skeleton he used for reference when making his imaginary friends. They look far too accurate to have been based on a Halloween prop… <br/><br/><br/>  Yeah, okay, no. Let’s break off from that train of thought. <br/><br/><br/>  “Y'know, that reminds me. I was reminiscing about my childhood earlier, and suddenly remembered my own imaginary friend I had as a kid,” Gordon says. “I don’t think I had them for very long, though. Just until my little brother John was old enough to do stuff with me, I guess.” <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey gives Gordon a <em>very</em> inquisitive look at that. “what kinda friend was it? bet it was something lame. or nerdy. or lame AND nerdy.” <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon shoots Benrey a small scowl, but answers anyway. “They were some kind of monster, I think. I don’t remember much at all about them, except that they had a lot of eyes, and were a kid like me. Can’t even remember their name, though I doubt it was anything too creative, considering how young I was back then.” <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon looks back at Benrey when he finishes speaking, and there’s a look on the entity’s face that he’s having trouble placing. Kind of looks like surprise, but not quite… “What?” <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey blinks, and then shakes his head, his expression falling back to a more neutral one. “nothin'. just uh, just surprised to hear you had a monster friend. is all.” <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon gives an amused huff. “I don’t see why that’s surprising. I’m friends with a monster right now, after all.” <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey sticks his tongue out at Gordon in response to that, and Gordon chuckles. Just then, Benrey’s borrowed stomach growls, reminding them both what time it is. “yo what you got planned for supper?” Benrey asks. <br/><br/><br/>  “How about we order a pizza?” Gordon asks in turn. “Haven’t had that in a while.” Benrey gives a thumbs up, and Gordon gets up and heads back to his room for his phone. <br/><br/><br/>  Being way out of earshot as he is, Gordon doesn’t hear Benrey’s soft yet excited words. “<em>he almost remembers me…</em>” <br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>skeleton skeleton skeleton skeleton skeleton skeleton skeleton</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>AFTER OVER A MONTH OF NOT UPDATING, I FINALLY GET THE NEXT CHAPTER DONE. 'BOUT GODDAMN TIME.</p><p>my muse is a fickle bitch with both a very short attention span and executive disfunction. bad combo, man :(</p><p>TW for mentions of vomit in this chapter! nothing detailed, but still. it begins with "Here's the fun part." and ends with "Gordon grimaces at the memory." if you wanna void it!</p><p>also, here's the blog that Gordon and Benrey have! yes, it's an actual thing, ha ha</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://hlvrfreakyfriday.tumblr.com/">HALF LIFE VR BUT IT'S FREAKY FRIDAY: THE BLOG</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  It’s been a few days since the switch first happened.<br/><br/><br/>  And thankfully, said days have been considerably calmer than that initial night and following day. No more accidental shape-shifting or skeleton summoning for Gordon, and Benrey has been doing pretty well about being careful with Gordon’s body.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey also apparently made a blog. Seems he thought that telling strangers on the internet about his non-human status and current situation was a <em>fantastic</em> idea. Gordon was of course upset… but eventually joined in on the blog anyway. Like, fuck it, why not? And it turned out to not be that bad- answering questions from curious ‘anons’ gave Gordon something to do, filling in the time he’d usually be using for his Twitch streams (Gordon <em>really</em> doesn’t want to explain this shit to his viewers).<br/><br/><br/>  At least, the blog thing was nice while it lasted, anyway. Soon as the asks slowed down, Benrey quickly lost interest in it, and Gordon wasn’t really sure what to do with the blog himself. So there goes that distraction. Guess people claiming to be cosmic beings from beyond the veil just isn’t that interesting to the internet.<br/><br/><br/>  God, he’s bored. That’s another thing that Gordon’s discovered he hates about this.<br/><br/><br/>  He can’t do his streams while looking and sounding like Benrey, and he’s also afraid to go kill time away from the house, the risk of a body horror-inducing anxiety attack happening in public being one he doesn’t want to take. He could go visit Tommy or Coomer and Bubby, he supposes, but he doesn’t wanna bug them too much. That, and he still doesn’t want to leave Benrey alone in his body.<br/><br/><br/>  With nothing much to do to keep him occupied, Gordon has been finding his thoughts wandering. Thinking about his youth again, but also wondering about Benrey’s. He recently learned that the entity is not in fact ancient like Gordon always assumed, but a year <em>younger</em> than Gordon himself. What kind of childhood did he have? Benrey pretty much never talks about his past- his explanation of his skeletons the other night being the first time Gordon’s ever heard anything about Benrey’s life before he worked as a guard at Black Mesa.<br/><br/><br/>  Well. There was also the time Benrey insisted that he and Gordon knew each other as children, but Gordon’s fairly certain he'd remember playing with a kid that looked as distinct as Benrey. He may have taken a few knocks on the head as a child and can’t remember a lot from back then, but his memory isn’t THAT bad!<br/><br/><br/>  .....<br/><br/><br/>  Maybe he should shoot his mom an email sometime. See if she remembers what all friends and playmates he had as a kid.<br/><br/><br/>  In fact, he may as well do that right now. Not like he’s got much else to do. Gordon grabs his phone and opens up the email app.<br/><br/><br/>~~~<br/><br/><br/><strong>From:</strong> Gordon Freeman<br/><strong>To:</strong> Beverley Freeman (mom)<br/><strong>Subject:</strong> childhood question<br/><br/><br/>Hey, Ma.<br/><br/><br/>Random question, but do you remember any of the kids I played with when I was little? Like, from six years and earlier. I got to thinking about it recently and it’s bugging me that I can’t remember.<br/><br/><br/>Oh, and sorry I haven’t called much lately! Been busy between my streaming schedule and getting dragged into impromptu hang-outs with my friends.<br/><br/><br/>~~~<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon hits send, and now plays the waiting game.<br/><br/><br/>  Not just for his mom’s reply, but also for Benrey to get done washing Gordon’s hair, so he can then get started on lunch for the two of them. Benrey had missed getting a shower last night, and like hell Gordon’s gonna let Benrey ruin his hair care routine. Gordon works hard to keep his hair so nice, damn it.<br/><br/><br/>  While Benrey’s taking this lunch time shower, Gordon is sprawled on the couch, browsing the ‘net on his phone for lack of anything better to do. His attention is drawn from the phone, however, when there’s a knock at the door. <em>Did Benrey order a package or something?</em> Gordon ponders as he makes his way over to answer the knock. He opens the door and-<br/><br/><br/>  “Benny!”<br/><br/><br/>  “Oh, hey Benrey. Is Gordon in?”<br/><br/><br/>  -Gordon immediately slams the door closed.<br/><br/><br/>  Which he instantly regrets, because that’s his ex-wife and son out there that he just closed the door on. <em>Fuck.</em><br/><br/><br/>  What does he do? What CAN he do? Anna still doesn’t know that Gordon’s roommate for the past four months isn’t at all human, and he’s not sure if dropping that bombshell on her like this would be a good idea. He could try to pretend to be Benrey… but he’s a bit shit at it, he’ll be honest. And Benrey would probably be even worse at pretending to be him, too. Anna may not know Benrey very well, but she knows Gordon too well to not notice something’s up. It’s not at all hard to imagine just how horribly that plan could backfire and bite them both in the ass.<br/><br/><br/>  God damn it. Bombshell it is, then.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon slowly opens the door back up, and is greeted by the sight of a confused Joshua and annoyed Anna. He can’t help but wince at her judgmental stare.<br/><br/><br/>  “Uh… hi,” Gordon says awkwardly.<br/><br/><br/>  “Yeah. Hi. You wanna tell me what that was about, pal?” Anna says, irritation clear in her voice.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon takes a deep breath. <em>Hoo boy</em>. “Yeah, I uh, have a lot to explain, actually. Come on in,” he says, stepping aside to allow the two entry. Once they’re all fully inside, Gordon kneels down to meet his son’s face. “Hey bud, could you go play in your room for a bit? Your mom and I have some grown-up stuff to talk about,” he says to the six-year-old boy. Joshua gives him a strange look, but nods his head, uttering a little ‘<em>kay</em>' before running off to the back of the house. Gordon then motions for Anna to follow him into the kitchen, and they both take a seat at the table.<br/><br/><br/>  “Okay. So, explain,” Anna prompts.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “God. Okay, uh. Two things, one of which I probably should’ve told you about way sooner. It’s kind of connected to all the Black Mesa bullshit, so it’s gonna sound… a little crazy,” he says. Anna quirks a brow at him at the mention of Black Mesa, but says nothing, waiting for him to continue. He taps his borrowed claws on the table as he tries to figure out to explain… all of this. Another deep breath, and he looks Anna in the eyes as he says, “I'm not Benrey. It’s me, Gordon. I’m in Benrey’s body, and he’s in mine.”<br/><br/><br/>  Anna blinks at him, and gives him a look. “Wow. That is… probably the weirdest and also shittiest excuse for slamming the door in my face you could’ve possibly made,” she says, wholly unimpressed.<br/><br/><br/>  Another sigh from Gordon. “Look, I know how it sounds,” he then says, “I wouldn’t believe me either, if I had never been through the- uh. The accident at Black Mesa, but you’ve gotta believe me.”<br/><br/><br/>  Anna crosses her arms as she leans back in her chair, still very much not believing what ‘Gordon’ is saying, but admittedly curious to see where he’s going with this.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon drums his fingers on the table again as he considers how to convince Anna. “Okay, look. The other thing I was gonna tell you, that I probably should’ve told you about sooner? Is that Benrey isn’t human. He’s the reason we’re stuck like this,” Gordon explains.<br/><br/><br/>  “Riiiiight,” Anna says, “'Benrey' isn’t human. Y’know, all you had to really do is just apologize, instead of making up this wildass excuse that Gordon’s no doubt going to debunk, so you can stop with… the… uh...” she trails off when Gordon begins to sing out a sustained high note.<br/><br/><br/>  As well as several orbs of blue light.<br/><br/><br/>  The lights linger in the air after he stops singing. Anna reaches out to touch one, transfixed, and it bursts like a bubble upon contact, followed by strange sense of calm briefly washing over her.<br/><br/><br/>  She looks back to Benrey… Gordon? And says, “What the <em>actual</em> hell?”<br/><br/><br/>  “Benrey calls it his ‘Sweet Voice',” Gordon explains. “I have absolutely zero idea what it is exactly or how it works, or why it tastes like Jolly Ranchers of all things, but, yeah. Do you believe me now?”<br/><br/><br/>  Anna looks away, thinking. Does she believe him? That ‘Sweet Voice’ stuff seemed pretty solid evidence for the whole not human thing… But is he really Gordon?<br/><br/><br/>  …She has an idea for how to find out.<br/><br/><br/>  “I’ll believe you if you can answer this question right,” Anna starts. “How did you- assuming you <em>are</em> Gordon- and me first meet? What exactly happened?”<br/><br/><br/>  Oh, <em>god</em>. Gordon kinda wishes he <em>couldn’t</em> answer this question. It’s a mortifying memory he'd rather forget the exact details of… which Anna knows, and thus also knows Gordon would never tell anybody else about it. Perfect question for this, really.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon buries his borrowed face in his hand and groans to himself for a moment, and then he begins. “It was a party at some guy named Mark's place. After meeting and chatting with each other for a bit, me and you somehow got roped into that ‘seven minutes in heaven’ thing and locked in the hall closet.” A pause. <em>Here’s the fun part</em>. “…We were in the middle of kissing when the beer I had there started mixing badly with those fucking gas station hotdogs I'd eaten just before the party- honestly I don’t know what I was thinking eating that shit. But, uh. Yeah. I very nearly threw up in your mouth. And then <em>did</em> throw up all over Mark’s clean linens,” Gordon says, grimacing at the memory.<br/><br/><br/>  “Unsurprisingly, I never got invited to any more parties at that guy’s place. But what did surprise me, was that you still wanted to see me again. You said you wanted to give me a second chance at a good first impression,” Gordon says with a fond smile. Anna returns the smile, but it quickly falls from her face as a sudden realization hits her.<br/><br/><br/>  “…Holy shit. It really is you,” Anna says, eyes wide. “How the hell did this happen? I mean, you said Benrey did it, but, how? What IS Benrey? I always thought his weird paleness was ‘cause he was anemic or something, not a- an alien or a monster- Oh god, is it safe for Joshua to be around him? Hell, is it safe for YOU to be around him!?”<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon raises his hands up in a gesture for Anna to slow it with so many questions. “Whoa, hey, gimme a chance to answer!” Anna settles down and utters a small ‘sorry' which Gordon handwaves away. “This happened because Benrey was poking around in my dreams- ‘cause that’s just one of the many impossible things he can somehow do- but I was having a bad nightmare at the time. When it got abruptly ended, I got shoved out of my head and into his, while he was left in mine. Neither of us knows how to switch us back, but a friend of ours knows someone who does, so we’re just waiting on them.<br/><br/><br/>  “As for what Benrey is… I’m not entirely sure? Some kind of... eldritch space god cosmic horror… But uh, despite that fact, he’s not dangerous,” Gordon says at first, before quickly correcting himself. “Well, okay, he can actually be <em>extremely</em> dangerous if he wants to be, but thankfully he cares more about video games than pulling any weird madness-inducing cthuloid shit… Plus, I’m pretty sure he'd take an entire firing squad for Joshie.”<br/><br/><br/>  “Joshua does like to go on about how cool and nice he thinks your roommate is,” Anna says with a small smile. “But, how did you end up rooming with this… <em>guy</em>, anyway? I’m guessing the thing about him being another former co-worker from Black Mesa was just a cover story?”<br/><br/><br/>  “It wasn’t, actually,” corrects Gordon. “He really did work as a security guard there. I have no idea how or why he ended up in that job, though.”<br/><br/><br/>  “You don’t?” Anna asks.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon shrugs. “He doesn’t talk about himself much, and I don’t ask.”<br/><br/><br/>  Anna gives him the ‘<em>I love you but are you fucking serious</em>’ look. “I, ah, think that maybe you SHOULD ask, especially if you’re gonna be living with him indefinitely.”<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, you see, when he first moved in here, I set up a bunch of ground rules for him to follow. He agreed, but only if I let him set some rules, too. One of his rules was to not ask him invasive questions,” Gordon explains.<br/><br/><br/>  “Asking your co-worker why he picked his job counts as ‘invasive'?” Anna asks, raising a brow.<br/><br/><br/>  “I mean, maybe? I don’t know!” says Gordon. “He’s a weird alien-thing, I never know how he’s gonna react to stuff.”<br/><br/><br/>  “Okay, okay… But still, why he’s living here with you? You’d said it was because he had no other place to stay after losing his old job. That still true, too?”<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon nods. “Apparently he just lived in the facility dorms before. And he’s here specifically with me because he had to live with a member of the Science Team, and I’m the only one on the team who had the space for him.”<br/><br/><br/>  “Why does he have to stay with one of you guys?”<br/><br/><br/>  “…For reasons I legally can’t talk about,” Gordon says simply.<br/><br/><br/>  <em>Ah, he did say this Benrey stuff was kind of Black Mesa related, didn’t he</em>, Anna thinks… <em>Wait</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  “…He didn’t cause the accident at your old workplace, did he?”<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon shakes his head. “No, he… well, he was there when it happened, and him being there may've factored in… But he didn’t <em>directly</em> cause it,” he explains. He purposefully neglects to tell Anna that <em>he’s</em> the one who caused the accident. He’s not quite ready for that conversation yet.<br/><br/><br/>  He’s also not ready to tell her Benrey’s one of the major causes of a lot of his PTSD, either. Or about all the people he killed for seemingly no reason. OR about how he turned into a giant fucked up monster and tried to kill Gordon and his friends... She, uh, would probably start to worry herself to death over Gordon and not let Joshie come over anymore if she knew about all that…<br/><br/><br/>  Speaking of Joshua, the six-year-old is all of a sudden dashing into the kitchen, b-lining for Gordon.<br/><br/><br/>  “Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!”<br/><br/><br/>----------------------------<br/><br/><br/>  If Benrey had ever thought about maybe growing his hair out like Gordon’s before, those thoughts have all been <em>completely</em> discarded now.<br/><br/><br/>  Turns out that taking care of this much hair is a major pain in the ass. It is taking him so. Dang. LONG to wash all this shit. He can’t understand how Gordon puts up with this bs. The price humans must pay for beauty, he guesses.<br/><br/><br/>  When Benrey’s finally done with washing Gordon’s mane of hair, he slips out of the shower and begins the next arduous step: drying it all. He tries seeing if he can get away with just towel drying it… but, nah, too much hair here for that. Time to break out the hair dryer.<br/><br/><br/>  …Benrey has no idea where Gordon keeps his hair dryer.<br/><br/><br/>  Pulling on some sweatpants and draping a towel around his borrowed shoulders, Benrey heads out of Gordon’s master bath and bedroom, with the intent of finding and asking him where he keeps the dryer. However, soon as he steps out into the hall, he’s greeted by someone else entirely.<br/><br/><br/>  “Daddy!” Joshua chimes.<br/><br/><br/>  <em>oh shit</em>, Benrey thinks, before responding to the boy. “uh- heyyy there, joshie bro.”<br/><br/><br/>  The smile that was on Joshua's face falls, and his expression is replaced by a confused one. “Heeeey, YOU don’t call me bro, just Benny calls me that,” he says. “And Benny was talkin' like you at me, too. Why you guys doin’ that?”<br/><br/><br/>  <em>aw damn, sussed out by a six-year-old</em>. After a quick glance down the hall, Benrey kneels down to get more face level with Joshua, and speaks in a hushed tone, “it’s because i'm not your dad and he’s not benrey. <em>i'm</em> benrey, and <em>he’s</em> your dad. we got body swapped, yo.”<br/><br/><br/>  The boy’s eyes go wide at that, and after doing an exaggerated gasp, he whispers back, “Did a mad scientist get ya?”<br/><br/><br/>  “nah, it was kinda my fault. but it’s all good, man. tommy's pops is gonna fix us up when he gets back from some <em>trip</em> he’s on,” Benrey assures.<br/><br/><br/>  “Oh that’s good,” Joshua says. “I like you guys better when you’re you and dad’s dad. You’re not s'posed to have a beard.”<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey snorts. “oh yeah? what if i decide i like having a beard, huh? maybe when i'm back in my body i'll grow me one.”<br/><br/><br/>  “No!”<br/><br/><br/>  “you could call me beardrey.”<br/><br/><br/>  “Noooo!”<br/><br/><br/>  “oh i'm thinkin' yes. grow me uh, an epic wizard beard.”<br/><br/><br/>  “Nooooooo!” Joshua continues to protest, but with a smile plastered on his little face. Benrey laughs at him, but then Joshua suddenly takes off down the hall, heading towards the kitchen.<br/><br/><br/>  “yo, hold up!” Benrey calls after the boy as he gives chase. When he reaches the kitchen himself, he’s greeted by the sight of Joshua clinging to his father’s borrowed leg.<br/><br/><br/>  “Daddy! You can’t let Benny grow a beard when he’s him and you’re you again!” Joshua cries.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon looks at his son, but then up to Benrey when he notices the other in the entryway. Gordon’s ex is also sitting at the table, and she follows Gordon’s gaze to look at Benrey, too.<br/><br/><br/>  “uhhhhh…” Benrey mumbles, lightly chewing on his borrowed lip.<br/><br/><br/>  “Hey, relax,” says Anna. “Gordon already explained all this weirdness.”<br/><br/><br/>  “oh. ‘kay, cool,” Benrey says, and does visibly relax.<br/><br/><br/>  “What’s this about you growing a beard?” Gordon speaks up.<br/><br/><br/>  “lil' mans said ‘m not allowed to have one ‘cause i'd look weird,” Benrey explains.<br/><br/><br/>  “You would!” Joshua says. “Super weird! Like that time daddy didn’t have one!”<br/><br/><br/>  “Hey!” Gordon says with mock offense. “I didn’t look <em>that</em> weird!”<br/><br/><br/>  “Yeah, you just looked like a sixteen-year-old highschooler,” says Anna, which gets her a frown from Gordon.<br/><br/><br/>  Oh no, Benrey’s picturing that now. It’s a little too easy to, honestly. “yooo, gordon got a case of baby face? ha ha, nice,” he says, laughing.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon continues to get ribbed by his family and roommate about his ‘baby face’ for a good bit, before Anna checks the time and announces she and Joshua have to get going. Apparently, they just stopped by real quick to say hello while they happened to be on this side of town. As usual, Anna (and Joshie) both swear to secrecy in regards to the new info they just learned before they leave. As they head back to the car, Gordon steps out with them to see them off and give his son a hug. Benrey watches from the living room window, and can’t help but feel a little... something. He’s not entirely sure what. But he always gets the feeling whenever he sees Gordon interacting with his family like this.<br/><br/><br/>  He’s never mentioned it to Gordon. Or anybody else.<br/><br/><br/>  It’s fine. It’s not important.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon comes back in, and Benrey finally asks him where the hair dryer is (turns out it was in the top left drawer under the sink. Why didn’t he think to look there???). After hair is dried and a shirt is put on, the rest of the day is significantly less eventful. Lunch is had, video games are played, YouTube is watched, Gordon keeps giving him weird looks when he notices Benrey being way quieter than normal- oh. He should probably say something, huh.<br/><br/><br/>  “admiring yourself, feetman?” Benrey says to the man at the other end of the couch. As predicted, Gordon’s expression scrunches up into an annoyed scowl. All according to plan.<br/><br/><br/>  The annoyed look leaves Gordon’s face pretty quickly, though, and he replies, “No, you’ve just been weirdly quiet ever since Joshie and Anna left. Is something up?”<br/><br/><br/>  <em>aw fuck he was supposed to get distracted</em>. “nah, just don’t feel like talking. your dumb human vocal chords feel weird.” <em>nice save</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  Or, well, it would be a nice save if Gordon wasn’t very clearly mentally pressing X to doubt right now.<br/><br/><br/>  …Theeeeen again, maybe it really WAS a nice save, as Gordon doesn’t press any further, instead changing the subject. “…Y’know, I’ve been wondering. How did you end up working at Black Mesa anyway?”<br/><br/><br/>  “'cause they gave me the job,” Benrey answers simply.<br/><br/><br/>  “Okay, but WHY did they give you the job?”<br/><br/><br/>  “’cause i was good at it.”<br/><br/><br/>  Apparently, that wasn’t the answer Gordon was looking for, as he gives an exasperated sigh and turns his attention back to the T.V. screen.<br/><br/><br/>  Benrey kind of has an idea about what kind of answer Gordon probably was looking for, but he doesn’t really… feel like telling him. Talking about the Not Good parts of his past would just bring up unnecessary drama and shit, and nobody wants that. Besides, it’s the <em>past</em>. Can’t change it. No use worrying about it.<br/><br/><br/>  It’s not important.<br/><br/><br/>----------------------------<br/><br/><br/>  Welp, Gordon can now tell Anna that he knows so little about Benrey’s history not for lack of trying. He didn’t bother trying to get any better answers out of the entity, as he’d probably have better luck getting blood from a stone. Same reason he didn’t try asking again why the guy was being extra quiet.<br/><br/><br/>  Whatever. If Benrey doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, that’s none of Gordon’s business.<br/><br/><br/>  It’s late at night now. Benrey has since gone to bed, while Gordon’s still wide awake. And bored. God he is so fucking bored. Benrey’s own usual go-to for keeping himself occupied at night is just more video games, but Gordon’s not really in the mood. He decides instead to open up the Tumblr app on his phone and see if there’s any new asks for the blog.<br/><br/><br/>  And of course, there aren’t.<br/><br/><br/>  Something does catch his eye, though. A conversation he had with one anonymous asker, about trying to get over his issue with Benrey’s shape-shifting by voluntarily practicing it. Admittedly… it’s not exactly Gordon’s ideal way to pass the time, but he knows he really should get on it. Help ease his anxiety, and thus lower the chances of a repeat of that first night.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon takes a deep breath to steel himself. Okay. Okay okay okay. <em>Let’s do this shit</em>.<br/><br/><br/>  …Uh. How exactly does he do it, again?<br/><br/><br/>  Every time he’s shape-shifted before, it was totally involuntary. Maybe… if he just thinks about doing it? Same way one would move their arm by just thinking about moving it. Yeah, let’s try that. Lifting his borrowed right arm, he focuses on the thought of it growing a little longer, like when he reached for that glass on the high shelf.<br/><br/><br/>  And much to Gordon’s surprise, that... actually fucking works. His borrowed right arm is now several inches longer than his left. And there wasn’t even any weird squirming in his insides or flesh-tearing feelings when it happened, either. He turns and twists the limb this way and that, taking in how, aside from the added length, it still looks like a totally normal arm (well, normal for Benrey, anyway). Hell, it even FEELS normal. He was expecting it to feel weird and wrong, but it... really doesn’t. Changing shape is just that much of a normal, natural thing for Benrey’s body, he supposes. He feels a little silly for putting this off for so long, now.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon’s about to will it back to normal proportions, when he catches his reflection in his bedroom mirror. He gets a little chuckle out of the imagery of Benrey with the mis-matched arms.<br/><br/><br/>  But then he also gets the strangest sense of deja vu.<br/><br/><br/>  Before he can dwell on that any further, though, his phone grabs his attention next, notifying him on receiving an email. Shortening his arm back (which also comes easy) and grabbing his phone, he sees it’s a response from his mom. Ever the night owl, his ma.<br/><br/><br/>~~~<br/><br/><br/><strong>From:</strong> Beverly Freeman (mom)<br/><strong>To:</strong> Gordon Freeman<br/><strong>Subject:</strong> Re: childhood question<br/><br/><br/>Hey there, honey! Good to hear from you again!<br/><br/><br/>Childhood friends, hmm? You didn’t actually have any regular friends when you were that young, I don’t think. You mostly just played with your little brother. You DID have this one imaginary friend, though! I found an old drawing you did of him when you were little. I took a picture of it with my phone and attached the file (aren’t you proud of me?)<br/><br/><br/>By the way, do you know if you’ll have Joshua this Thanksgiving? It’s been so long since we’ve had either of you over for turkey day, or since we’ve had both you and John in the same room!<br/><br/><br/>Love Mom &lt;3 (lol it’s a heart!)<br/><br/><br/>[attached file: mybestfrend.jpeg]<br/><br/><br/>~~~<br/><br/><br/>  Huh. Maybe that’s why he can’t remember any playmates he had as a kid. Because he didn’t have any. Makes sense, he guesses.<br/><br/><br/>  Gordon downloads the attached file, and then opens it up in his phone’s picture gallery.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>[image description: An old child's drawing on wrinkled paper. It depicts a boy with green eyes and glasses standing next to a taller monster boy with sharp teeth, claws, and multiple eyes. They are both smiling. There is a brown mud puddle at their feet, and several pink and blue orbs floating around the monster boy's head. The words 'MY BEST FREND' are written at the bottom of the drawing. End description.]</p><p><br/><br/>  ...<em>No <strong>fucking</strong> way</em>.<br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"You need to talk about your feelings, for your emotional health!" said Tommy.<br/>"yeah okay will do," said Benrey, you know, like a liar.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guess what time it is? NIGHTMARE O' CLOCK, that's what time!<br/>and also time for some tragic backstory learnin'</p><p>so, uh, how long ago was the last update?</p><p>this was originally gonna be a much longer chapter, until i just now, tonight/morning noticed that it would've been TOO long of a chapter. so i decided to split it up into two. as a result, this chapter is shorter than previous ones. i'd rather have a short chapter to post now than a super long one to post, uh.......</p><p>hopefully not another four months from now, ha ha;;;;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  That can’t be right.<br/>
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  There’s gotta be some kind of mistake, right?<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  That’s what Gordon would like to think, but the more he looks at the picture, the more obvious it is that there is no mistake here. This is a drawing he did as a child. Of him, standing by a mud puddle, with a little monster kid surrounded by floating orbs of colour.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  A little monster kid who is very clearly <em>Benrey</em>.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  ‘<em>playin’ in the mud all the time. great friend</em>,’ Benrey had said to him, back on Xen. Gordon didn’t believe him, yelled that Benrey was just making shit up to mess with him.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  It’s only now that Gordon’s realizing the brief hurt expression on Benrey’s face at his words was genuine, and not just something he had imagined.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Setting his phone down on his night stand, Gordon lets himself fall back onto his bed. He stares up at the ceiling for a moment, before slapping his borrowed hands over his face and groaning into them. This... is a lot to process. And something he should probably talk to Benrey about.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He glances at the clock. It reads 12:23. He’ll have to save the talking for in the morning. For now, Gordon decides that he should try and get some sleep himself.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  <em>He giggles to himself as he carefully pokes around the woods, in the middle of playing a game with his best friend. It’s kind of like 'Marco Polo,’ only they’re not in a pool and not saying 'Marco' and 'Polo.' </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  Instead, they’re singing. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  “Ahhhh~!” he calls out. His singing isn’t nearly as pretty as his friend’s, but that’s okay. He listens closely for their response, waiting for that pretty high note. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  “aaaaaaaaa,” rings out clear as a bell. Off to the right! Giggling, he runs off through the trees, towards the source of the pretty sound. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  After running for a bit, he’s about to stop and call again to make sure he’s heading the right way, when he catches sight of something in the air- little floating balls of blue light. However, his attention is drawn from the lights when another high-pitched tone rings through the air. And then another. And another. And another, still. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  Something is wrong. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  He backs up, legs sloshing through the knee-deep water. The cacophony of song and rattling bones is getting too loud to bear. He looks around frantically. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  Where is he? <strong>Where is he!?</strong> </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  A deep rumbling fills the chamber, small waves of red crashing against him as the monstrous figure rises from the depths. A dozen piercing eyes stare down at him, fang-filled maw twisted into a snarl. Purple and red seeps between its teeth, dripping with malice and staining the torn security uniform. Fear shoots through him at the sight, down to his very bones. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  He raises the devil gun defensively, but is much too slow. The skeletons wrap him up with their song, allowing their master a clear shot. </em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<em>  The last thing he sees is a single large orb of blinding energy, before all his senses are overwhelmed with pain.</em><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey jolts awake with a gasp. He sits up, panting, brow wet with sweat as his eyes scan the blurry room for the danger. It takes a bit for his brain to catch up and realize that he’s just in his bedroom, safe. That was just a nightmare.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  …One of <em>Gordon’s</em> nightmares.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  When Benrey was in Gordon’s head during his nightmare the night of the switch, he could feel a lot of the human’s emotions secondhand. That was already pretty bad. But this? Feeling them all firsthand? Seeing it all directly from his perspective?<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey… feels really, <em>really</em> bad.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He did that. He fucked Gordon’s head up so much that he still gets nightmares about all that went down, long after the fact.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  …Shit, Benrey being here with him is probably just a constant reminder of that stuff, too, isn’t it?<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey looks down at his borrowed hands. His eyes drift to the scar on Gordon’s right arm, the lighter tissue still visible even with his blurred vision. He's seen the way Gordon looks at this scar every now and then.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He wonders if Gordon looks at him like that sometimes, too.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Benrey flops back down onto his mattress, head hitting the pillow with a <em>fwump</em>. It’s too early to be thinking about this shit. He needs to go back to sleep. He’ll… think about it in the morning. When his head is clearer. Yeah, that’ll work.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  When morning does come, however, Benrey’s head isn’t any clearer. Still muddled up with too many feelings and thoughts he’s not sure how to get out. And Gordon’s not helping with things, either- he keeps trying to start up a conversation with him, but he just brushes Gordon off. He’s not sure what's got Gordon so chatty this morning, but he’s just not in the mood for it. Head too full, can’t think good. Eventually, Benrey decides to just hide away in his room with the door closed, in hopes that Gordon will just give up. It seems to work.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Doesn’t do anything for his tangled-up thoughts and feelings, though.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Uhhhhhg, this blows SUCH chunks. Normally, he’d just sing out all his thoughts and feelings, getting them out in the form of Sweet Voice. But stuck in Gordon’s Voiceless body, the emotions are just all… bottled up in there. His emotional baggage is way over packed and the zippers are all stuck. Buh. How the fuck do humans deal with this?<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Hmmm… Going for a walk is something humans do while trying to sort their shit, right? Something about the fresh outside air making thinking easier. Maybe he should do that.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  …Of course, Gordon probably won’t let him leave the house alone right now, even if alone is what he really needs to be. He’ll have to be sneaky.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  And so, Benrey slips on some shoes, and out his bedroom window, taking care to do it all as quietly as possible. It’s not long before he’s off the property and heading towards town, with a whole lot of thinking to do.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
----------------------------<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  The plan for today was to have a nice heart-to-heart with Benrey, explain that he really honestly forgot that he and and the entity were apparently friends as kids, and maybe apologize for some of the stuff he said when Benrey first tried to tell him about it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Unfortunately, that plan turned out to be a complete flop, as every time Gordon tried to start talking with Benrey, he just kept brushing him off or flat-out ignored him. Now, Benrey’s holed up in his room, while Gordon’s flopped on the couch in defeat.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  What’s Benrey’s problem? Something must be bugging him- he’s usually not this standoffish. He hasn’t even been engaging in their usual banter, either.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Maybe Gordon should call Tommy. Benrey’d probably be more open to talking to him. Gordon could tell Tommy about his big ‘childhood friends' revelation too, while he’s at it.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Grabbing his phone, he brings up Tommy in his contacts, taps the call button, and lays back down as it rings.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Hello!” Tommy answers the call cheerily.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Hey, Tommy. Still no word from your dad?” Gordon asks.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “No, sorry, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy responds with a little less cheer.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon sighs. “Don’t sweat it, man. Look, I actually called to ask you if you could maybe talk to Benrey sometime here? He’s been real avoidant all morning like something’s bothering him. You’re a lot better at talking with him, so I figured I’d ask.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Oh? What do- what do you think might be bothering him?” Tommy asks.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Dunno,” Gordon says, “he was being weirdly quiet yesterday, too, but wouldn’t tell me why when I asked. And I’ve also been trying to talk to him about something all day, with no luck.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Speaking of the thing I want to talk to him about... Do you remember, when we were in Xen, and he claimed me and him used to be best friends? I didn’t believe him then… but just last night, my mom sent me a photo of a drawing I did as a kid. It was of me next to a monster kid that was… very obviously Benrey.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Tommy just makes a little hum of acknowledgement.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Not exactly the reaction Gordon was expecting.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Uh…” Gordon starts. “You don’t… sound real surprised to hear this.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “I already knew you two were- were friends as children, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy states. “Benrey used to talk a lot about how much he missed you when we first met.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Oh,” Gordon says dumbly. “Hold on, if you knew he was telling the truth about the friends thing, then why didn’t you ever correct me?”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “'Cause I knew how much you, uh, how much you disliked Benrey would make you not wanna believe me, either,” Tommy answers honestly.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “I- …Yeah, okay, fair…” Boy does he feel sheepish. Gordon shakes his head at himself before speaking again. “But, you know, one thing I don’t get is, we were friends like, two whole DECADES ago, and not even for that long I don’t think? Why'd he get so hung up on that?”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “You were his very first friend, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy begins to explain. “And- and also his only one, until I met him about nine years after he... y’know... Being alone for- for such a long time, it’s no wonder he clung on to the memories of you.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon’s borrowed brow furrows a bit. “After he what? What happened to him nine years before you guys met?”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  There’s a beat of silence before Tommy answers. “...Has Benrey- did he never tell you? He was a- a research specimen at Black Mesa, for most of his life. They took him there when he- when he was just barely five. It was only last year that- that they’d put him on the security staff, to give him more space to roam as, uh, as a reward for ‘good behavior’…”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Oh.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Oh, holy shit. That… kind of explains a whole lot. Like that fucked up vivisection dream, for one. It must’ve been a memory of Benrey’s that he was seeing thanks to being in his body. However the hell that works.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  This explains Benrey’s request for Gordon to not be ‘<em>all scientist-y</em>' at him, too. And why he reacts so badly to being stuck in a room or other small space… And if he’d been stuck in Black Mesa as a lab rat since he was just a tiny kid, that’d also explain why his social skills are so lacking... And why most of his knowledge of the world seems to have come from video games and movies…<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  And... it might even explain why Benrey killed those guards and scientists he did back in Black Mesa. Being humane with their living specimens didn’t seem like a top priority, going by how they felt the need to block out Bubby's memories of Sector E's bio research labs, and from what Gordon saw when they all went through said labs during their escape. The way some of those poor crabs and peeper puppies still in the cages looked…<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon’s not sure why it never occurred to him sooner. All those obvious-in-hindsight signs, and plus, why else would something like Benrey even be at Black Mesa in the first place?<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “I… am the most oblivious motherfucker,” Gordon says, feeling like an idiot.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Yeah you- you kind of are, sometimes,” Tommy agrees, and thankfully makes no further comment.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “You’d think he’d have told me about something as important as that after living with me for four months…”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Maybe… maybe he didn’t want to ma- make you feel bad for him?” Tommy offers.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Gordon hums in response. “Yeah, maybe.” That does make some sense. He could see Benrey as the type to not want anybody’s pity. He lets out a heavy sigh. “Man... we ALL got pretty fucked up by Black Mesa, huh?” Gordon muses. Tommy makes a sound of agreement.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  <em>One more reason to be glad that place got blown the fuck up</em>, Gordon thinks, and shakes his head. “Well, anyway, try seeing if you can find out what’s eating Benrey, will ya?” he then asks, changing the subject back to why he called in the first place.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Yeah. I’ll hang up here and give him a call right now,” says Tommy. “Talk to you later, Mr. Freeman!”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  “Later, Tommy.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Not long after Gordon hangs up, he hears Benrey’s own phone ring- some happy hardcore song he set as his ringtone for Tommy.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  And it keeps on ringing.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Which is a little weird, as Benrey pretty much always answers Tommy’s calls. Maybe he’s asleep? Gordon decides to go sneak a peek into the entity’s room to see, and tell Tommy to try calling him later if he is.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  When he tries to open the door, he finds it’s locked. <em>Weird, Benrey doesn’t usually lock room doors…</em> Undeterred, Gordon decides to take advantage of Benrey’s ‘no-clip’ power, and wills himself through the wooden door. When he pokes his head through enough to see the bed… he sees that there’s no Benrey on it. He phases the rest of the way through and scans the room, only to find it equally Benrey-less.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  He also sees that the window is open. His borrowed guts writhe anxiously at the sight.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
  Grabbing Benrey’s still ringing phone, he mashes the answer button and says before Tommy can even get a word in, “Benrey’s gone.”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>dream sweet voice translation:</p><p>purple to red- <i>want you dead</i></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warning for folks getting punched and kicked a bit too. and bitten. and there's a throat slit. and someone's arm gets <i>really</i> fucked up.</p><p>another warning is that i'm bad at writing action scenes :U</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  Okay. So. <br/><br/><br/>  The whole 'clear head with fresh air for easier thinking' thing is completely backfiring on Benrey. Instead of clearing his head, it’s just gotten full of even MORE thoughts he’d really rather not be thinking. <br/><br/><br/>  Mostly ones about that last week at Black Mesa. <br/><br/><br/>  Thinking more about how scared Gordon was the whole time, and how oblivious Benrey himself was to Gordon’s very justified fear. Thinking about how he just kept making shit more stressful for the guy, like how he’d purposefully get in the way of progress, and not help out during fights, and making jokes about his missing hand... that <em>he’d</em> caused Gordon to lose in the first place… acting like he was going to straight-up <em>kill</em> the Science Team… <br/><br/><br/>  He also thinks not just about how scared Gordon was, but how <em>angry</em> Gordon was, at him. All the times he’d shoot Benrey in the face, and slug him with the devil gun so hard he went flying, and how he’d be near constantly telling him how much he hated him and wanted him dead. How much he wished he could kill Benrey himself. How elated he looked when Benrey got sucked into that funky portal as he died on Xen… <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey feels like he’s going to be sick. <br/><br/><br/>  Or, at least, he thinks that’s what this feeling is. He never felt sick in his own body, but he knows it’s not a good feeling, and this one he’s got now is absolutely awful. Benrey stops walking, and yanks his beanie down over his borrowed eyes, knocking Gordon’s glasses a bit askew, as he lets out a low-pitched whine. He tries to reason with himself, <em>that’s all in the past now, Gordon doesn’t say or act like he hates you anymore, and you’re even roommates with him now.</em> <br/><br/><br/>  Unfortunately, Benrey’s brain is in full-on self-loathing mode, and immediately counters with <em>it’s in the past but it left lasting damage- he still has nightmares about you. Just because he doesn’t show it as much doesn’t mean he’s still not harboring hate for you- he hid his fear of you all this time. You’re only living with him because Tommy asked him to let you, and he just happens to like Tommy more than he hates or fears you- Tommy saved his life when you only threatened it. </em><br/><br/><br/><em>  Even when you’re not actively trying to, you’re still giving Gordon nothing but grief by simply existing in his life.</em> <br/><br/><br/>  ..... <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey pulls the beanie back up off his eyes, and just stares at the sidewalk. <br/><br/><br/>  Maybe... maybe he should ask Tommy’s dad about getting... different living arrangements, once he’s back and has fixed the body switch. Part of him is telling him he should probably discuss this with Gordon too, but... he’s scared of Gordon being all '<em>oh thank GOD, finally</em>’ over hearing Benrey’s considering moving out. Not like he wouldn’t deserve that, though. <br/><br/><br/>  There’s also the possibility of Gordon expressing guilt over making Benrey feel he has to leave, ‘cause Gordon’s the Big Hero Man, and caring too much is what he does, even when he shouldn’t be the one feeling guilty, since <em>Benrey’s</em> the one giving him fuckin’ death nightmares and- <em>guh</em>... <br/><br/><br/>  Wrapped up in these thoughts as Benrey is, he completely fails to notice there’s a man approaching him, until the guy barks out a gruff ‘<em>hey</em>' at him. <br/><br/><br/>  Readjusting the glasses on his face, he turns to the man before speaking. “uh... can i help you, sir?” <br/><br/><br/>  “Dr. Freeman,” the man addresses Benrey with a frown. <br/><br/><br/>  Oh fuck someone who knows Gordon that Benrey’s never met. Uhhhh shit. What the hell does he even do. Benrey supposes he could just play dumb; say he isn’t Gordon, that this guy’s got the wrong dude. But then again, whoever this is seems to already be in a <em>real</em> bad mood… <br/><br/><br/>  “uhhh yep, the One Free Man, that’s me- <em>GH-!</em>” Benrey replies, and is cut off when the scowly guy grabs him by his shirt. <br/><br/><br/>  “You miserable piece of <em>shit</em>,” he snarls in Benrey’s borrowed face. “You should be dead right now, you know that? How is it that my entire fucking squad is gone, but some fucking out-of-shape egghead like you is still walking!?” <br/><br/><br/>  Ohhhh fuck, this is one of those bootboys from Black Mesa, that were sent in to... kill everybody for some reason? Benrey never understood why. ‘Mesa being overly worried about ex-employees spilling their secrets, but also being cheap bastards and wanting to avoid paying hush money for their silence, he guesses. Yeah, that sounds about right. <br/><br/><br/>  But, hold up, didn’t they kill all the soldiers that were sent after them? He’s pretty sure Coomer said as much. So then who is... <br/><br/><br/>  Wait. <br/><br/><br/>  <em>Aw fuck</em>. <br/><br/><br/>  “forzen?” Benrey says dumbly. Which was apparently a mistake, as that just makes the guy angrier. <br/><br/><br/>  “MY NAME,” he shouts at close range, causing Benrey to wince, “IS TRAVIS. TRAVIS ESLA.” <br/><br/><br/>  Esla? Oh, ha ha, he almost forgot. That’s how he came up with the name ‘Forzen’ for this guy. Esla. Elsa. Frozen. Forzen. Man, he is <em>so</em> fucking clever. <br/><br/><br/>  Travis (formerly known as Forzen) doesn’t seem to agree. “That security bastard friend of yours got into my head and yanked me around like a god damn puppet!” he yells again as he swings Benrey around and slams his borrowed back against a nearby wall. Benrey groans in pain when Gordon’s already bad spine hits the bricks with such force. “But he’s not here now, is he? And you don’t have any weapons or that hazard armor, either,” Travis continues, a dangerous tone entering his voice. “I think it’s about time I finished my mission.” <br/><br/><br/>  Travis reaches for his back pocket, and when Benrey sees the man pull out a rather sizable knife, his borrowed heart nearly stops. <br/><br/><br/>  This guy intends on killing him. Which, in any other situation, would be like, whatever. But in Gordon’s body, things are 200% more serious. If Gordon’s body is too damaged, Gordon won’t be able to get back in it. And... while normally having his physical body destroyed doesn’t truly kill Benrey... considering that he can’t use any of his usual powers, it’s very possible that his connection to the cosmic void and its boundless energy has been temporarily severed. If this body was killed, Benrey might not have the juice to form his old pure energy body, and keep his consciousness together... <br/><br/><br/>  If Benrey dies right here, right now, there’s a very real chance he’ll <em>stay</em> dead. <br/><br/><br/>  If he didn’t already have a good idea about how Gordon felt during the ResCas, he certainly does now. <br/><br/><br/>  Adrenalin rushing through his borrowed veins, his fight or flight kicks in, and lands on fight. Which, uh, might not be the best choice. Black Mesa never trained him in unarmed human-style combat, they just taught him how to use a gun. <br/><br/><br/>  So Benrey just goes with what he knows. <br/><br/><br/>  Before Travis can get his stabbing on, Benrey knees the guy in the crotch, causing the man to loosen up his hold on him. Benrey then does the first thing that comes to mind and bites down <em>hard</em> onto Travis’ left forearm. A scream is pulled from the man as Benrey's borrowed teeth sink into the limb, his mouth filling up with the metallic tang of blood. He very briefly notes that, like everything else, it doesn’t taste as good on Gordon’s tongue as on his own. <br/><br/><br/>  Turns out Benrey overcompensated for Gordon’s comparatively duller teeth when he bit down, and when Travis yanks his arm away, a small chunk of flesh is left barely hanging on. Benrey doesn’t have time to dwell on how he almost kinda-sorta made Gordon a cannibal, before he gets a punch to the gut and sweep-kick to the legs. Benrey topples over, Gordon’s glasses falling from his face as his head hits the concrete, making him see stars. <br/><br/><br/>  Travis spits out some profanities, and maybe says something else too, but Benrey doesn’t register any of it. He certainly registers the sudden kick to his ribs, though. And being rolled onto his back. And a boot being pressed to his chest. And the glint of metal from what is probably definitely that knife shining up above, roughly in line with his neck. He tries to struggle against the foot pinning him, but he’s still too dazed from hitting his head on the sidewalk so hard to get Gordon’s body to cooperate. His eyes stay locked on to the blurry image of the knife, unable to look away. <br/><br/><br/>  Travis raises the blade, preparing to plunge it into Benrey’s borrowed neck, when someone else comes up from behind the soldier and violently yanks him off and away from Benrey. The new person growls out a ‘<em>mother<strong>fucker</strong></em>’ as he tosses Travis to the street, and Benrey recognizes his own voice, despite it sounding a little off with Gordon’s particular angry tone behind it. <br/><br/><br/>  He may not currently have a direct connection to it, but it seems the cosmos is still looking out for its wayward child. <br/><br/><br/>---------------------------- <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey being out of the house somewhere, alone, with no powers and in Gordon’s body, was more than a little worrying, to say the least. The rest of the Science Team seemed to agree on that, and thus wasted no time in helping out on the search for the alien. <br/><br/><br/>  At first, they thought they all wouldn’t need to- Sunkist can detect and track life energy signatures, and Tommy was going to have him sniff out and find Benrey that way. Unfortunately, something about the switch had apparently muddled up Benrey and Gordon’s signatures in such a way that the giant dog couldn’t get a bead on Benrey. Sunkist was, at the very least, able to point them in the vague direction Benrey went- somewhere into town. And now, they’re out looking for him the old-fashioned way. Tommy and Darnold in one car, Bubby and Coomer in their own, while Gordon himself is searching on foot. <br/><br/><br/>  The rest of the team had actually advised Gordon to stay home; both to meet Benrey there should he come back on his own, and to avoid the risk of Gordon accidentally making a scene from Benrey’s powers getting out of his control. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon agreed to... initially. But he couldn’t ignore the way his borrowed guts writhed with his anxiety and worry, or the feeling of uselessness that kept nagging at him as he sat (well, paced) around the house doing nothing. <br/><br/><br/>  So instead, he’s moving down a random street in town, in the general direction Sunkist indicated, eyes peeled and ears tuned. <br/><br/><br/>  He’s honestly not really expecting to find Benrey himself, as the other two search pairs are both in cars for faster ground coverage, and have been at the search for longer than Gordon. Hell, who knows? Maybe they’ve even found him already, and are trying to call Gordon to tell him. Too bad Gordon forgot his fucking phone in his haste to get out and start looking himself. Which... probably wasn’t the best move, really. Shit, what if Benrey and the others already are back home? And then, upon seeing that Gordon isn’t, are now out looking for him? He could be on a wild goose chase while simultaneously putting the others on one as well. <br/><br/><br/>  It’d... prrrrobably be a good idea to head back home. And if they aren’t there, he can at the very least grab his phone before heading back to the search himself. <br/><br/><br/>  That’s what Gordon’s thinking anyway, before he hears a strangled cry from a ways ahead and around the corner, in a very familiar voice- <em>his own</em>. He's tearing down the sidewalk in an instant, and upon rounding the corner, he’s greeted by a very distressing sight. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey, borrowed mouth dripping with blood as he lays pinned to the ground by a heavy boot. The owner of said boot (with a huge bite on his left arm, explaining the entity’s bloody mouth), getting ready to shove a combat knife straight into the Benrey’s throat. And by Benrey’s throat, Gordon means <em>his</em> throat. The scene conjures up very unpleasant, very <em>specific</em> memories. His fingers tense, nails sharpen, and feet carry him forward without even thinking. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey’s attacker has his back to Gordon, and thus doesn't notice he's right behind him, until a disproportionately large clawed hand grabs him practically by his whole head. <br/><br/><br/>  “<em>Mother<strong>fucker</strong></em>,” Gordon straight-up growls as he throws the bastard off Benrey and onto the street. <br/><br/><br/>  With the pressure off his borrowed chest, Benrey attempts to sit up, and groans in pain after he apparently did it too fast. Gordon turns his head to Benrey, about to ask if he’s okay, and what the fuck he even did to tick this guy off so hard. But before he can get the question out, Benrey’s attacker speaks up first. <br/><br/><br/>  “<em>You</em>...” the man with the knife says, eyes locked on Gordon. Gordon turns back to him, and sees a small look of panic behind the man’s eyes. More importantly, though, he finally recognizes who this guy is. It’s the one that got away- that soldier that tried to hold Sunkist hostage, and claimed to be former friends with Benrey. <em>Still can’t remember his fucking name</em>. There’s something off about his voice, though. Gordon distinctly remembers him sounding much less gravely, and more... well, more like Benrey, really. Which Gordon always thought was kind of weird. <br/><br/><br/>  That panicked look only lasted for a second, as the soldier is now looking outright <em>pissed</em>. “You’re that <strong>freak</strong> who was in my fucking head!” the soldier yells as he gestures his knife right at Gordon. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon’s borrowed brow furrows. <em>In his head? ...Wait- no way, he doesn’t mean...</em> <br/><br/><br/>  Before that thought train can leave the station, the soldier lunges at him. Distracted by his own thoughts as he was, Gordon fails to react in time, and the soldier’s knife slices deep across his borrowed throat. Gordon gasps as dark sanguine blood sprays from the newly acquired slot in his neck. <br/><br/><br/>  But only for a little bit. <br/><br/><br/>  The flow of blood quickly comes to a stop as Benrey’s body’s rapid regeneration does its thing, the slash wound knitting itself back closed right before the soldier’s eyes. They both just stand there in stunned silence before the soldier quietly breaks it with a “<em>What the <strong>fuck</strong>?</em>” <br/><br/><br/>  That manages to snap Gordon out of his state of shock, and he quickly takes advantage of the one the soldier’s in. He grabs the soldier’s right arm, and gives it a rough, sudden twist in directions the human arm is definitely not meant to go. The soldier screams, knife falling from his hand and clattering to the ground as the bones in his forearm audibly snap. Said forearm is now bent into an acute angle, and the skin around the break is torn and looks partially ‘de-gloved’ thanks to all the twisting it underwent. <br/><br/><br/>  Now, normally, Gordon would probably regret having so badly underestimated the sheer strength Benrey’s body packs. But this guy was straight-up about to fucking kill Benrey (and likely thought he was killing <em>Gordon</em>), which ain’t really helping him in the sympathy department. Boot boy’s buddies certainly didn’t seem to regret severing Gordon’s own hand, that’s for sure... <br/><br/><br/>  And like, honestly. <em>Fuck</em> the troops, man. <br/><br/><br/>  Completely fucked though his arm may now be, the soldier's still standing (and screaming), so Gordon attempts to shut him up by knocking his ass to the ground with a swift kick to the stomach. The guy hits his head when he falls, and it seems to knock him out cold. <br/><br/><br/>  “daaaamn, you really fucked him up, huh.” <br/><br/><br/>---------------------------- <br/><br/><br/>  “daaaamn, you really fucked him up, huh,” Benrey speaks up behind Gordon, who turns to face him. Benrey’s still sitting down on the sidewalk, but his head’s feeling better, and he found the fallen glasses and put them back on his... still very bloody borrowed face. Which Gordon is staring at, with much concern. <br/><br/><br/>  “Benrey! You good? Nothing broken?” Gordon finally gets to ask. Benrey just gives him a quick nod and a thumbs up as he starts trying to wipe the blood off his mouth, now that he’s remembered that it’s there. He’s expecting ‘<em>why did you sneak out?</em>’ to be Gordon’s next question, but the man instead hits him with something entirely different. <br/><br/><br/>  “Hey... what did that soldier mean just now, when he said you were ‘in is head?’” Gordon asks. Benrey freezes up at that, casts a guilty look at Gordon, and then looks away. Fuck. Shit. He really, <em>really</em> should’ve told Gordon about this earlier, during a much less sensitive time... <br/><br/><br/>  “so, uh. remember hoooowwwww that guy said me and him were friends?” he starts. Gordon nods. Benrey continues. “yeah well. we weren’t. didn’t even know the guy. i uh. mindjacked him? just grabbed a random boot boy and pretended to be one. thought it’d be funny. even got sunkist to play along when he showed up lookin’ for tommy,” he says, wincing at that last bit. “we, uh, we both apologized to tommy after, since he got so upset... buuuut i guess i forgot to tell you, huh...” Benrey goes quiet, still not looking at Gordon. He’s not sure what expression the other man’s aiming right at him, but he really doesn’t wanna see it. <br/><br/><br/>  What he also doesn't see is Travis, clutching the knife in his left hand, coming up behind an oblivious Gordon. <br/><br/><br/>  Somebody else sees this, though. <br/><br/><br/>  “SURPRISE ATTACK, GORDON!” Coomer bellows just as his fist connects with Travis’ face, sending him sprawling to the ground for the umpteenth time this evening, and finally down for the count. <br/><br/><br/>  Gordon whips around at the sound and Benrey looks up, both seeing not just Coomer, but Bubby as well, standing by his souped up custom cadillac. How the hell they didn’t hear that noisy piece of work drive up is anybody’s guess. “Dr. Coomer, Bubby!” Gordon calls to them. <br/><br/><br/>  “Yeesh, good thing you weren’t that unobservant in Black Mesa, otherwise you never would’ve made it out of there,” Bubby remarks. Gordon says something in response, but Benrey’s already checked out of that conversation, still hung up on the disappointment he could feel radiating off of Gordon just a bit ago. Coomer briefly grabs his attention, offering Benrey a hand up off the ground and asking him if he’s okay. Benrey just shrugs. They all pile into Bubby’s caddy, give Tommy and Darnold a buzz to tell them Benrey’s been found, and then it’s an uncharacteristicly quiet drive back to Gordon’s place. <br/><br/><br/>  Benrey’s not sure if he appreciates or hates the silence the whole trip back, but he is sure of one thing. <br/><br/><br/>  He should definitely go away once this body mix-up is all over. <br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a thing i was gonna have benrey explain but it felt too unprompted and clunky to put in there:</p><p>he mainly just puppeted 'forzen' when he wasn't in his own body, as trying to pilot two bodies at once was a major pain in the ass. hence why he had 'forzen' so quickly kill his own body that one single time they were in the same room. and also because he thought it'd be funny. which, let's be real here, it totally was, thanks to bubby's reaction, ha ha.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>figured i'd put the reference sheets for my headcanon looks for Gordon and Benrey here, too:</p><p>  <a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/642787601272668160/benry-appearance-headcanon-ref-sheet-overhaul-only">Benrey</a><br/><a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/643052790185377792/ref-sheet-overhaul-for-the-man-of-feet-himself">Gordon</a><br/> </p><p>  <a href="https://qhazomb.tumblr.com/post/631181827352248320/post-black-mesa-freeman-house-floorplan">here's their house's floor plan, for reference!</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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